College jokes

After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same.

After hesitating, they all did it.

'Next,' the professor said, 'you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger.'

When there were barely a couple of minutes before the exam ended, the fourth point flashed before his mind. So he completed the answer by writing: 4. Available in attractive containers.

Breakfast:

• 1/2 grapefruit
• 1 slice whole wheat toast
• 8 oz. skim milk

Lunch:

• 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
• 1 cup steamed spinach
• 1 cup herb tea
• 1 Oreo cookie

Mid-Afternoon Snack:

• The rest of Oreos in the package
• 2 pints Rocky Road ice cream nuts, cherries and whipped cream
• 1 jar hot fudge sauce

Dinner:

• 2 loaves garlic bread
• 4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
• 1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
• 3 Snickers bars

Late Evening News:

• Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

Rules for This Diet

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories.
8. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
9. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
10. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.
11. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
12. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
13. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)
14. REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS

The tale went this way: "There are beautiful maidens who live in the cracks and crevices in this valley. If you hear them call, 'Woo Woo,' take off your clothes quickly and enter the cave. They will show you a fabulous time!"

Several days later, the headlines in the local newspaper read: "Body of Naked Auburn Student found in Tunnel, Run Over by Train."