College jokes

The dean of a women's college, addressing her charges, concluded, "...and remember, young ladies, you represent not only your own honor but that of the school. When approached by young men, ask yourself: Is an hour's pleasure worth a lifetime of disgrace? Now, are there any questions?"

A young lady immediately raised her hand and said, "Tell me, how do you make it last an hour?"

The teacher was checking her student roster on the first day of school and saw that she was missing three boys and one girl.

After a couple of minutes went by, a boy named John walked in and the teacher asked where he was. He said, "Shree Hill."

Then another student, named Bill, walked in and the teacher asked where he was. He also said, "Shree Hill."

Then the third boy, Shawn, walked in and the teacher asked him where he had been. And he said, "On top of Shree Hill."

Then, a girl walked in and the teacher asked, "Who are you?"
And she said, "Shree Hill."

An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smartass jock in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "You can write with your other hand."

1. You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets.
2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "stay still."
3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.
4. You'd rather have a pencil jammed up your nose than be exposed to sunlight.
5. You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet.
6. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
7. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
8. All day long your motto is, "Never again."
9. You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed.
10. Your natural response to "Good morning," is "Shut up!"