professions 13
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick
OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just fade away
OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just smell that way
OLD SOLDIERS never die, young ones do
OLD SOURDOUGHS never die, they just ferment away
OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in
OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper
OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just fall off their blocks
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just have a stroke
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just kick-off
OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL
OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding
OLD TAPE DISPENSERS never die, they just get used up
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick
OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just fade away
OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just smell that way
OLD SOLDIERS never die, young ones do
OLD SOURDOUGHS never die, they just ferment away
OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in
OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper
OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just fall off their blocks
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just have a stroke
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just kick-off
OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL
OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding
OLD TAPE DISPENSERS never die, they just get used up
old maid's burglar
A story I'll tell of a burglar bold
Who started to rob a house;
He opened the window, and then crept in
As quiet as a mouse.
He looked around for a place to hide,
'Till the folks were all asleep,
Then said he, "With their money
I'll take a quiet sneak."
So under the bed the burglar crept;
He crept up close to the wall;
He didn't know it was an old maid's room
Or he wouldn't have had the gall.
He thought of the money that he would steal,
As under the bed he lay;
But at nine o'clock he saw a sight
That made his hair turn gray.
At nine o'clock the old maid came in;
"I am so tired," she said;
She thought that all was well that night
So she didn't look under the bed.
She took out her teeth and her big glass eye,
And the hair from off her head;
The burglar, he had forty fits
As he watched from under the bed.
From under the bed the burglar crept,
He was a total wreck;
The old maid wasn't asleep at all
And she grabbed him by the neck.
She didn't holler, or shout or call,
She was as cool as a clam;
She only said, "The Saints be praised,
At last I've got a man!"
From under the pillow a gun she drew,
And to the burglar she said,
"Young man, if you don't marry me,
I'll blow off the top of your head!"
She held him firmly by the neck,
He hadn't a chance to scoot;
He looked at the teeth and the big glass eye,
And said, "Madam, for Pete's sake, shoot!"
Who started to rob a house;
He opened the window, and then crept in
As quiet as a mouse.
He looked around for a place to hide,
'Till the folks were all asleep,
Then said he, "With their money
I'll take a quiet sneak."
So under the bed the burglar crept;
He crept up close to the wall;
He didn't know it was an old maid's room
Or he wouldn't have had the gall.
He thought of the money that he would steal,
As under the bed he lay;
But at nine o'clock he saw a sight
That made his hair turn gray.
At nine o'clock the old maid came in;
"I am so tired," she said;
She thought that all was well that night
So she didn't look under the bed.
She took out her teeth and her big glass eye,
And the hair from off her head;
The burglar, he had forty fits
As he watched from under the bed.
From under the bed the burglar crept,
He was a total wreck;
The old maid wasn't asleep at all
And she grabbed him by the neck.
She didn't holler, or shout or call,
She was as cool as a clam;
She only said, "The Saints be praised,
At last I've got a man!"
From under the pillow a gun she drew,
And to the burglar she said,
"Young man, if you don't marry me,
I'll blow off the top of your head!"
She held him firmly by the neck,
He hadn't a chance to scoot;
He looked at the teeth and the big glass eye,
And said, "Madam, for Pete's sake, shoot!"
an ode to old age
There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie.
My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my names not there, I'll once again start -
Perfecting the art of falling apart
And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie.
My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my names not there, I'll once again start -
Perfecting the art of falling apart
getting old when
You know you're getting older when...
Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
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