business jokes jokes

We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive. - C.S. Lewis

We are often most in the dark when we are the most certain, and most enligthened when we are the most confused.

We don't have the time or money to do it right, but we'll have time and money to do it over again.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

We sometimes get all the information, but we refuse to get the message.

We'll worry about that when we get there.

We're making progress. Things are getting worse at a slower rate.

We've always done it that way!

Wet manure is slippery. - OSHA discovery

First Law of Bicycling: No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.

First Law of Procrastination: Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility for its termination on someone else (i.e., the authority who imposed the deadline).

First Law of Socio-Genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary.

First Rule of History: History doesn't repeat itself; historians merely repeat each other.

Flo Capp's Observation: The next best thing to doing something smart is not doing something stupid.

Flon's Law: There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.

Flucard's Corollary: Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.

Gumperson's Law: The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

H. L. Mencken's Law: Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Martin's Extension: Those who cannot teach, administrate.

Hacker's Law: The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.

Hall's Laws of Politics: 1) The voters want fewer taxes and more spending. 2) Citizens want honest politicians until they want something fixed. 3) Constituency drives out consistency (i.e., liberals defend military spending, and conservatives social spending in their own districts).

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Hanson's Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.

Harp's Corollary To Estridge's Law: Your "IBM PC-compatible" computer grows more incompatible with every passing moment.

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.

Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

"Why would you say that?" wondered the broker.

"Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career."