business jokes jokes

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

You can observe a lot just by watching.

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickles in the machine.

You can't fall off the floor.

You can't get here from there.

You can't guard against the arbitrary.

You can't outtalk a man who knows what he's talking about.

You can't push a rope.

You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it.

You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.

In every work of genius we recognize our rejected thoughts.

In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.

In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances: magic and lies.

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.

Incompetence is a double-edged banana.

Influence is like a savings account. The less you use it, the more you've got. - Andrew Young, American politician

Inspiration and perspiration are related by more than rhyme.

Intelligence is a tool to be used towards a goal, and goals are not always chosen intelligently. - Larry Niven 'Protector'

Interchangable parts won't.

Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.

It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Whistler's Law: You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.

Whitehead's Law: The obvious answer is always overlooked.

William's Law: There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.

Wood's Axiom: As soon as a still-to-be-finished computer task becomes a life-or-death situation, the power fails.

Woodward's Law: A theory is better than its explanation.

Zall's Laws: First Law - Anytime you get a mouthful of hot soup, the next thing you do will be wrong. Second Law - How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

Zymurgy's First Law Of Evolving System Dynamics Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.

The population of the United States was 180 million at the time of writing, but there are 64 million over 60 years of age, leaving 116 million to do the work.

People under 21 total 59 million which leaves 57 million people to do the work.

Because of the 31 million government employees, there are only 26 million left to do the work.

Six million in the armed forces leave twenty million workers.

Deduct 17 million State, county, and city employees, and we are left with three million to do the work.

There are 2,500,000 people in hospitals, asylums, and treatment facilities leaving half a million workers.

However, 450,000 of these are bums or others who will not work, leaving 50,000 to do the work.

Now, it may interest you to know that there are 49,998 people in jail so that leaves just 2 people to do all the work, and that is you and me, and I'm getting tired of doing everything myself!