business jokes jokes

Wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection.

Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions.

Without data, yours is just another opinion.

Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.

Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

Work may be the crabgrass of life, but money is still the water that keeps it green.

You can always find what you're not looking for.

You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can make a fool of yourself any time.

You can fool all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, and that should be sufficient for most purposes.

You won't skid if you stay in a rut.

1. If it rings, put it on hold.
2. If it clunks, call the repairman.
3. If it whistles, ignore it.
4. If it's a friend, stop work and chat.
5. If it's the boss, look busy.
6. If it talks, take notes.
7. If it's handwritten, type it.
8. if it's typed, copy it.
9. If it's copied, file it.
10. If it's Friday, forget it!

Vuilleumier's Laws For Building Electronic Prototypes: First Law - Any pre-cut equipment is too short; this is specially true of optic fiber cables with expensive connectors at both ends. Second Law - If n electronic components are required, n-1 are available. Third Law (also known as "Selective Gravitational Field") - Any tool escaping manipulator's hands will not necessarily follow Earth's gravitational field, but will land in the most unreachable location in the prototype, smashing on its way the most expensive component of the prototype; this will know only one exception if the tool is particularly heavy, in which case it will land on the manipulator's foot. Fourth Law - When proteup first, thankfully leaving the fuses intact. Fifth Law - Prototype npn blackboxes actually hold pnp transistors, and vice-versa. Sixth Law - A quartz oscillator oscillates at a frequency off the rated one by a minimum of 25%, if it does oscillate at all. Seventh Law - When the prototype has been fully assembled according to lab instructions, a minimum of 11 components are left.

Cutler Webster's Law: There are two sides to every argument, unless a person is personally involved, in which case there is only one.

Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do the work.

Weinberg's Corollary: An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.

Wethern's Law: Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.

Whistler's Law: You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.

Whitehead's Law: The obvious answer is always overlooked.

William's Law: There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.

Wood's Axiom: As soon as a still-to-be-finished computer task becomes a life-or-death situation, the power fails.

Woodward's Law: A theory is better than its explanation.

Zall's Laws: First Law - Anytime you get a mouthful of hot soup, the next thing you do will be wrong. Second Law - How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

Zymurgy's First Law Of Evolving System Dynamics Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.