business jokes jokes

You can't win. You can't break even. You can't quit the game.

You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.

You get the most of what you need the least.

You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today.

You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue; agree with him.

You never find an article until you replace it.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

You never want the one you can afford.

You remember to mail a letter only when you're nowhere near a mailbox.

You want it when?

You will always find something in the last place you look.

Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter, because nobody listens.

Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law: 'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks.

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Manly's Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Mason's First Law of Synergism: The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.

May's Law: The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density of control. (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.)

Peter's Principle: In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to the level of his incompetence.

Pudder's Law: Anything that begins well will end badly. (Note: The converse of Pudder's law is not true.)

Putt's Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.

Putts-Brooks Law: Adding manpower to a late technology project only makes it later.

Quigley's Law: Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small, will attempt to use it.

Ralph's Observation: It is a mistake to let any mechanical object realise that you are in a hurry. Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes.

Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia: If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.

Rhode's Corollary To Hoare's Law: Inside every complex and unworkable program is a useful routine struggling to be free.

Ross's Law: Bare feet magnetise sharp metal objects so they always point upwars from the floor-especially in the dark.

Rudin's Law: In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, people tend to choose the worst possible course.

Rudnicki's Nobel Prize Principle: Only someone who understands something absolutely can explain it so no one else can understand it.

Rule Of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem it always helps you to know the answer.

Ryan's Law: Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.

Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.