business jokes jokes

If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.

If you are coasting, you're going downhill.

If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.

If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

If you are running for a short line, it suddenly becomes a long line.

If you are worried about being crazy, don't be overly concerned. If you were, you would think you were sane.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you must have someone to blame.

If you cannot convince them, confuse them. - Harry S. Truman

If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with lies.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

Indifference is the only sure defense.

Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.

Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.

Information's pretty thin stuff, unless mixed with experience.

Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

Inside every small problem is a larger problem struggling to get out.

Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.

Interchangeable parts won't.

Is there life before coffee?

It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it isn't too good either if you speak when your head is empty.

It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, until you lose.

It is a dog-eat-dog world out there and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear.

It is a poor workman who blames his tools.

It is better to be part of the idle rich class than be part of the idle poor class.

It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than it is to speak and remove all doubt. Moral: think before you speak. Or engage the brain when engaging the mouth.

It is easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission.

It is easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

It is important to keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.

It is impossible to build a foolproof system, because fools are so ingenious.

It just doesn't get any Beta than this.

Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they are not out to get you.

Just when you get going, someone injects a dose of reality with a large needle.

Just when you get really good at something, you don't need to do it anymore.

Just when you think you've won the rat race, along come faster rats.

Knowledge based on external evidence is unreliable.

Laziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten.

Leakproof seals will.

Learn to be sincere. Even if you have to fake it.

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.