business jokes jokes

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked.

"Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

After any unit has been completely assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.

Afternoon: that part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.

Aiming for the least common denominator sometimes causes division by zero.

All American cars are basically Chevrolets.

All general statements are false; think about it.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

All generalizations are useless, including this one.

All good things must come to an end, I just want to know when they start!

All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Don't bite the hand that has your paycheck in it.

Don't blame me; nobody asked my opinion.

Don't do today that which can be put off till tomorrow.

Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.

Don't get lost in the shuffle, shuffle along with the lost.

Don't lend people money...it gives them amnesia.

Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash. - Bo Diddley

Don't look back, something may be gaining on you.

Don't make your doctor your heir.

Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!

Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost.

Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.

Some see things as they are and ask 'why?'; I dream of things that never were and ask 'why not?'" - George Bernard Shaw

Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

Sometimes I think we are alone in the universe. Sometimes I think we are not. In either case, the thought is quite staggering.

Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

Sometimes you're the bird, and sometimes you're the windshield.

Speak softly and own a big, mean doberman.

Stay in with the outs.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view.

Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.