redneck jokes jokes

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redneck jokes


you're a redneck if 69
 
 
You might be a reneck if...

You think the ATM machine is a giant, public calculator.

Your favorite cologne smells like exhaust.

The fire department leaves after discovering that the fire that destroyed y.

You think its okay to have your 6 year old babysit your 5, 4, and 3 year o.

Your dog's shots are up to date but your children's aren't.

You use the water in your toilet to bob for apples.

Your whole family sleeps in the same bed.

You consider your annual bath one too many.

You wore a baseball cap to the opera.

If you are 20 and you can still go in McDonald's playhouse.

If you think Purina is some kind of Ex-Lax.

you're a redneck if 70
 
 
You might be a reneck if...

You've ever given a set of Tupperware ice tea glasses as a wedding present.

Your dungarees expose more than half of your crack in the back because the weight of your pocket knife.

Your idea of heaven involves two shotguns and a keg of beer.

You picket your horses on your lawn so you won't have to mow it.

You're wearing a camoflauge jacket and dipping in your driver's license pic.

You stop to flirt with the person running the drive through at McDonalds.

You save old kitchen appliances for target practice.

You save old kitchen appliances for children's Christmas presents.

You get up EARLY on Saturday to go yard sale shopping for entertainment.

Your gun cabinet takes up half your living room.

redneck been here?
 
 
Ways to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer

10. The monitor is up on blocks.

9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

8. The six front keys have rotted out.

7. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.

6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

5. The password is "Bubba".

4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.

3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

And, The Number One Way To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer...

The mouse is referred to as a "critter".

a driving application
 
 
Redneck Driver's Application
Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.

Last name: ________________

First name:
[_] Billy-Bob   [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe   [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray   [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue   [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae   [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack  [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer        [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser  [_] Waitress
[_] Un-employed   [_] Dirty Politician

Spouse's Name:     __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name:      __________________________
2nd Lover's Name:  __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister   [_] Aunt
[_] Brother  [_] Uncle
[_] Mother   [_] Son
[_] Father   [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin   [_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed:      ___
Number of children that are yours:      ___

Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
If you obtained a higher education what was your
major?
[_] 5th grade     [_] 6th grade

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Age you started drivin ______ (If over 10 are you
are still slow lerrnin ? [_] Yes [_] No)

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck         ____ kitchen
____ bedroom       ____ bathroom/outhouse
____ shed          ____ pawnshop

Model and year of your pickup: _________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer    [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide                 [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun        [_] Bassmasters

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable

How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow  [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown   [_] Black
[_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man                [_] Skoal

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know

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