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redneck jokes


you're a redneck if 29
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

You don't think Jeff's Foxworthy's jokes are funny.

Every time you see a roadsign that says "DIP" you reach in your back pocket.

You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.

You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.

You have to hit the dashboard in your truck to get the lights and radio to work.

The tires on your pick-up are taller than your children.

The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out.

You think "dual airbags" refers to your wife and mother-in-law.

Shopping for dinner involves an orange vest.

Your school dress code contains the line "Shoes Optional".

you're a redneck if 30
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

You've ever worn hunter's orange to church.

You have barnyard animals living in your house.

Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.

Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun control is a steady hand."

Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.

You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back door only for use on possums.

You have ever shot a possum on your porch.

You don't use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you can't see far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors' dogs when they get into it.

You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup.

You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your house....not including 22 caliber.

you're a redneck if 31
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

You have guns in your house that you cannot find.

You think a night of fine dining is going to the Snack Bar at Wal-Mart while the automotive department is raising your truck another 8 inches.

You think Wal-Mart is expensive.

You've got more guns "On Display" than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.

You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.

Your horse wears shoes, but you don't.

It doesn't bother you when you walk through a barn barefooted.

You name your twin boys Jack and Daniel.

You ask your 10-year old son how to spell a word.

Your dog is your alarm clock.

you're a redneck if 56
 
 
You might be a reneck if...

The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.

You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.

You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.

You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.

You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.

You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.

Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.

Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.

You have to stop a leak in your flatbottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.

You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of $3.00.


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