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redneck jokes


you're a redneck if 14
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

Red Man sends you a Christmas card.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".

You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.

You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. (Is that a bad mental image or what?)

you're a redneck if 16
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.

You've never paid for a haircut.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".

you're a redneck if 18
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

Your grandfather completely executes the "pull my finger" trick at the family reunion.

When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.

You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."

Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.

Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.

you're a redneck if 19
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.

You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.

Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.

The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.


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