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redneck jokes


you're a redneck if 72
 
 
You might be a reneck if...

You can identify your friends by the sound of their mufflers.

You think OFF is a fine smelling cologne.

You put a Clapper on your headlights.

You need a dictionary to spell your name.

You don't change your socks until the first pair rots off.

People ask your wife when her baby's due and she's not pregnant.

Your driveway is two tire tracks with grass growing down the middle.

You've ever invited friends over to show off what's left of the squirrel that you shot with your deer gun.

You have more tires in your yard than on your trucks.

The idea for the Budweiser frogs came from listening to you and your friends trying to read the label on the bottle.

you're a redneck if 76
 
 
You might be a reneck if...

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over t' the dark side.. .it'll be a hoot."

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the bar-b-q grill to light.

The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it.

You have a stuffed womp rat anywhere in your home. You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance should be the Confederate flag. More than half the droids you own don't function. The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q. You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married. You used a carbon-freezing chamber to mount the Wampa you shot while on vacation on Hoth.

Your moonshine is made on a real moon.

You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.

Sandpeople back down from your mama.

You've ever used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket or DUI.

You've ever strangled someone with the force because they laughed at your accent.

you're a redneck if 78
 
 
You might be a reneck if...

Ambulance is a mule driven buckboard with a spinning lantern.

Nurses wear flour sack uniforms and look like burned out cloggers.

Dogs hang around O. R. for scraps.

Maternity Room is a do-it-yourself with fresh straw, a jack knife and a string.

Anesthesiologist in bib overalls, feeds you a clear liquid out of a mason jar.
Your Gynecologist is Ernest.

Your Proctologist, who watched Deliverance 200 times, asks you if can squeal like a pig.

The Interns are led by Ernest T. Bass.

Surgical instruments include a stick of dynamite and a chain saw.

you're a redneck if 04
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.

Your car has never had a full tank of gas.

Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.

Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.


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