redneck jokes jokes

You might be a redneck if...

Your wife gets a hunting license so you can tag your second buck.

You have all the "Dukes of Hazzard" episodes on tape.

You can give a summary of all the "Dukes of Hazzard" episodes.

You think that Roe v. Wade is a decision you make when crossing the creek.

It takes you and 31 others in the same room to show off a full set of teeth.

You've ever stood outside a K-mart for more than an hour arguing with the manager about the shirt and shoes law.

You've ever gone Christmas shopping at the dollar store.

You've ever shoplifted Spam.

You don't understand why Bo and Luke never tried to get it on with Daisy.

Your son has ever stolen disected frogs from Biology class so that your family won't go hungry.

You might be a redneck if...

The directions to your bathroom include, "Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed."

You're in bed with your wife and you call out a name you gave to a coon you killed.

You've ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses.

Your old car is now considered the main storage unit.

Every magazine on your coffee table has a piece of toilet paper for a bookmark.

Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.

After the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".

You have a bowling machine in your kitchen.

You pick up your girfriend on a bike for the prom.

The Roto-Rooter man calls for backup when visiting your house.

You might be a reneck if...

You watch "The Dukes Of Hazzard" and have to find someone to explain it to you.

Your mom kisses you goodnight and you go to school the next day and say you've met your future wife.

When your wife walks in front of you it looks like two pigs fighting in a gunny sack.

Your only excuse for smelling bad is it runs in the family.

Your favorite fruit is chicken.

You think those yellow traffic signs that say "Slow children at play" means the kids in the area are not too bright.

At least one of the kitchen appliances on your front porch is more than forty years old.

You think "Country & Western" covers both types of music.

You've ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick.

You might be a reneck if...

You re-use dental floss to save money.

You've ever drunk mouthwash just because you're too lazy to walk down to the liquor store.

Your homecoming basketball game was rained out.

Your baseball bat "ain't never been used on a ball, but it's sure hit plenty of other things."

You've ever shot a mouse inside your home. You might be a redneck Jedi if...

Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.

You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Jack Daniel's.

You think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.

At least one wing of your X-Wing is Bondo colored.

There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.