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redneck jokes


you're a redneck if 22
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"

You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

you're a redneck if 73
 
 
You might be a reneck if...

Duct tape and wire are the only two things holding your truck together.

Your bumper sticker reads "If you're missing your cat, look in my treads. "

You think the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.

You've ever parked your date next to a YIELD sign hoping she'd take the hint.

Your kids learned to shoot before they learned to walk.

You place a classified asking less than $1.

You think the freeway is the back door of the movie theater.

Higher math means counting over 10.

The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.

You have a lucky rabbit's foot in your pocket and a lucky rabbit nailed above your fireplace.

you're a redneck if 77
 
 
You might be a reneck if...

You don't think the Ewoks are primitive. You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow. You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene problem. The Rancor monster refused to eat you.

You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.

Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.

You burn your yard rather than mow it.

You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.

Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.

You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

redneck wants to fight
 
 
There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence.

He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn't he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence? He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn't realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: "CLEARANCE 8 FT 3 IN"


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