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redneck jokes


you're a redneck if 33
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

You prefer the Sears catolog to Charmin.

Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.

You think deer hunting should be an olympic sport.

You have a set of 16 matching salad bowls, and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

You have to call the police more than once a week to remove your drunk mother-in-law from your front lawn.

Your name is Billy Joe Jim Bob III.

You ever spent the night in the bed of your truck rather than paying for a motel room.

None of your zippers have all their teeth either. 49.You are driving the car you were conceived in.

You've ever used scissors on food.

You've ever re-used a paper plate.

you're a redneck if 36
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

You've ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower.

You keep your teeth and your goldfish in the same glass.

On average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary.

You think Motorola is a fancy name for a car part.

You give your girlfriend long-thorned roses hoping she won't ask for them again.

You borrow your wedding flowers from Wal-Mart.

You think Hamlet is on the McDonald's breakfast menu.

Your kids are going hungry tonight because you had to see your maw run her car at the dirt track race.

Your dad says, "Let's hit the road for dinner," and then grabs a shovel.

You ever called your sister "Mom" and didn't have to correct yourself.

you're a redneck if 61
 
 
You might be a reneck if...

You buy the lot next to your house because you need the room for all your "stuff" (cars, trucks building materials).

Your idea of new siding on the house is more tar paper.

The oak tree in the front yard is an essential piece of automotive repair equipment (how else are you gonna pull the engine out of the old Dodge?)

Instead of locking the doors of your house, you keep a shotgun within reach, "just in case".

You consider pickled deer organs a delicacy.

You don't know what a redneck is.

You're still upset that they canceled "The Dukes of Hazzard".

You thought ER was ET's cousin.

You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars.

You are in 6 grade and the only one in your family that can write your name.

hick computer terms
 
 
Redneck computer terms

Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.

Log Off: Don't add no wood.

Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.

Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.

Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin'.

Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.

Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.

Hard Drive: Getting' home in the winter season.

Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.

Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below.

Screen: What 'cha need for the black fly season.

Byte: That's what the flies do.

Chip: What to munch on.

Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag.

Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.

Modem: What 'cha did to the hay fields.

Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.

Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.

Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.

Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.

Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.

Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof.

Port: Fancy wine.

Enter: C'mon in.

Random Access Memory: You can't remember whatcha' paid for that new rifle when your wife asks.


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