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redneck jokes


you're a redneck if 12
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.

In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

Your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.

You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.

The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".

Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.

you're a redneck if 17
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

You've ever made change in the offering plate.

The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."

You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.

You own at least 20 baseball hats.

You think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.

You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

Your screen door has no screen.

Your biggest ambition in live is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."

you're a redneck if 35
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

You smoke during your deer hunt after scent-proofing yourself all month.

A tornado goes through your trailer's yard and makes it look neater.

You've got to shuck your toilet paper before you use it.

You have an autographed picture of Bob Barker in your wallet.

You think "Meals on Wheels" is another name for roadkill.

You shot your own 12 point coat rack.

You've been to the emergency room more than 3 times for mashing the wrong end of a thumb tack.

The number of times you've seen either Elvis or a UFO exceeds your I.Q.

Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet.

You've ever lost a dog to a bush hog.

you're a redneck if 39
 
 
You might be a redneck if...

One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this."

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'


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