redneck jokes jokes

You might be a redneck if...

You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.

You don't think Jeff's jokes are funny.

Your house has a kickstand.

You drive around a parking lot for fun.

Your girlfriend has ever called YOUR parents "Ma and Pa".

You have to duct tape your gloves on.

You've ever pruned your trees with a shotgun.

Someone says they spotted Bigfoot and you go buy tickets to the tractor pull.

You think that Marlboro is a cologne.

You might be a reneck if...

Your best coat is a black and red checkered.

You put your Christmas lights up 2 weeks after taking them down.

You consider duct tape and tarp straps necessities for auto body repair.

You raise the confederate flag in the bed of your truck whenever you go for a drive.

You can't wait for the Saturday night square dance.

You refer to your truck as if it had a legal first name.

You've ever been given a gun as a present.

Flannel is your favorite color.

You or one of your relatives is named Cletus.

Your grandfather can sense a storm coming by a mysterious twitching in his knee.

You might be a reneck if...

The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.

You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.

You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.

You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.

You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.

You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.

Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.

Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.

You have to stop a leak in your flatbottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.

You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of $3.00.

You might be a reneck if...

You've run out of room on your arm from the tattoos of all wives names.

You refuse to wash your truck on account that you have a strong suspicion that mud and rust is all that's holding it together.

People mistakenly come to your house thinking your having a yard sale.

You've ever told the local sheriff that you smell a pig and he replies, " I knew I should have taken a shower after I slopped the hogs today."

Your idea of a luxury car is one that has the white fur covered seats in it.

You think the internet is a new fishing tool.

There's a pothole in the road and you swerve . . . to hit it.

Your Truck has more Neon on it than the window of your local bar.

You argue to the government that the budwiser plant should be one of the 7 wonders of the world.

Your kids can't go out for Hollween because there's nobody within walking distance to get candy from.