redneck jokes jokes

You might be a redneck if...

You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.

The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin'?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)

You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

You clean your nails with a stick.

You prefer car keys to Q-tips.

Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.

People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.

Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

You might be a redneck if...

You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.

You've never paid for a haircut.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".

You might be a redneck if...

Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

Your grandfather completely executes the "pull my finger" trick at the family reunion.

When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.

You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."

Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.

Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.

You might be a reneck if...

You can chew your own toenails.

You've ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans.

You want the opening day of deer hunting season to be declared a national holiday.

Someone knocks on your front door and your back door rattles.

You let goldenrod grow in your yard because it looks so pretty.

You've ever absent-mindedly nibbled on your live bait . . . and didn't spit it out.

Your best Sunday clothes include your John Deere baseball cap.

You go to a wedding or any formal party and ask someone to pull your finger.

Your friend tells you he went online last night, and you think he took a drunk driving test.

Your mama has more tattoos than you do.