joke collection 80
Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to give the order that the bulb be changed and one to screw it in.
Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They assign the task to a gastarbeiter.
Q: How many Argentinians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine thousand-after all, it's *their* light bulb.
Q: How many Belgians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.
Q: How many U.S fighter pilots does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: No! You mean it was one of ours?!
Notes : Topical to the shooting down of two allied helicopters over Iraq.
Q: How many Iraqi soldiers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. He takes it back to Baghdad for safe keeping.....
Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity anymore.
Q: How many West Virginians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they don't have Eeeeelextrisssity in West Virginia.
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A: Two, one to give the order that the bulb be changed and one to screw it in.
Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They assign the task to a gastarbeiter.
Q: How many Argentinians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine thousand-after all, it's *their* light bulb.
Q: How many Belgians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.
Q: How many U.S fighter pilots does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: No! You mean it was one of ours?!
Notes : Topical to the shooting down of two allied helicopters over Iraq.
Q: How many Iraqi soldiers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. He takes it back to Baghdad for safe keeping.....
Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity anymore.
Q: How many West Virginians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they don't have Eeeeelextrisssity in West Virginia.
joke collection 92
Q: How many copyeditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. "I'm not changing a thing"
Q: How many marketing directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?
Q: How many proofreaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Proofreaders aren't supposed to change lightbulbs. They should just query them.
Q: How many publishers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in. Two to hold down the author.
Q: How many sales directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (pause) I get it! This is one of those lightbulb jokes, right?
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to remove the bulb from the socket and take it away without checking whether or not there was actually anything wrong with it, one to accuse its owners of mistreating it, one to find somewhere else to screw it in for the next 6 months, and one to eventually bring it back and say it was all done with the lightbulb's best interests at heart.
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change the bulb, one to counsel the old bulb because it's been thrown away by an uncaring society, one to arrange the case conference and one to make sure they are all following the correct working practice.
Note: Several of the jokes below relate to Ivy league schools. No offense was meant by them.
Q: How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None--Hanover doesn't have electricity!
Note: Dartmouth is way out in the middle of nowhere in New Hampshire.
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A: None. "I'm not changing a thing"
Q: How many marketing directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?
Q: How many proofreaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Proofreaders aren't supposed to change lightbulbs. They should just query them.
Q: How many publishers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in. Two to hold down the author.
Q: How many sales directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (pause) I get it! This is one of those lightbulb jokes, right?
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to remove the bulb from the socket and take it away without checking whether or not there was actually anything wrong with it, one to accuse its owners of mistreating it, one to find somewhere else to screw it in for the next 6 months, and one to eventually bring it back and say it was all done with the lightbulb's best interests at heart.
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change the bulb, one to counsel the old bulb because it's been thrown away by an uncaring society, one to arrange the case conference and one to make sure they are all following the correct working practice.
Note: Several of the jokes below relate to Ivy league schools. No offense was meant by them.
Q: How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None--Hanover doesn't have electricity!
Note: Dartmouth is way out in the middle of nowhere in New Hampshire.
joke collection 33
Q: What do a Soviet emigre and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common?
A: Neither one is very bright.
Q: How many bailiffs does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Ten. One to change it, one to hit you in the kidneys, and 8 to stand around such that none of this gets caught on camera.
Q: How many Spinks handlers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. 1 to actually screw in the light bulb, 1 to carry him out of the ring, 1 to tell him who put the lights out, 2 to count the money, and it all only takes 91 seconds!
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It only takes one to change your bulb...to his.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change it and 2 to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection !"
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, lawyers only screw us.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Lawyers don't change bulbs. Now if you're looking for someone to really screw a bulb...
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A: Neither one is very bright.
Q: How many bailiffs does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Ten. One to change it, one to hit you in the kidneys, and 8 to stand around such that none of this gets caught on camera.
Q: How many Spinks handlers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. 1 to actually screw in the light bulb, 1 to carry him out of the ring, 1 to tell him who put the lights out, 2 to count the money, and it all only takes 91 seconds!
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It only takes one to change your bulb...to his.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change it and 2 to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection !"
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, lawyers only screw us.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Lawyers don't change bulbs. Now if you're looking for someone to really screw a bulb...
joke collection 75
Q: How many alt.anagrams readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to say it can't be done because there aren't enough vowels, one to be clever and change "a lightbulb" into "bull bit hag", and one to try and sell copies of the "Anagram for Windows" program he wrote.
Q: How many alt.fan.pratchett readers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to actually change the bulb, one to write amusing footnotes about it, one to propose to Laura, and a newbie to ask if that's really THE Terry Or colette or both, and then to realise that the speed of light can't be measured, except in badgers, or possibly multiple of pi, then to say sod it and ask if anyone knows where to find the lyrics for the hedgehog song...
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It depends on the way the bulb is threaded.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two-fifty.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, to be dying of cancer and request that everybody around the world send him light bulbs so he can get into the Guinness Book of World Records.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, who'll do it for food.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, to have a drink with a strange woman in a bar and pass out, wake up three days later in a seedy hotel room, find a scar on his back, and realize where the light bulb went.
Q: How many Mensans does it take to screw in a litebulb?
A: None. They know that litebulb is misspelled and therefore cannot exist to be screwed in. Now of course, if it were a Miller Lite bulb...
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A: Three. One to say it can't be done because there aren't enough vowels, one to be clever and change "a lightbulb" into "bull bit hag", and one to try and sell copies of the "Anagram for Windows" program he wrote.
Q: How many alt.fan.pratchett readers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to actually change the bulb, one to write amusing footnotes about it, one to propose to Laura, and a newbie to ask if that's really THE Terry Or colette or both, and then to realise that the speed of light can't be measured, except in badgers, or possibly multiple of pi, then to say sod it and ask if anyone knows where to find the lyrics for the hedgehog song...
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It depends on the way the bulb is threaded.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two-fifty.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, to be dying of cancer and request that everybody around the world send him light bulbs so he can get into the Guinness Book of World Records.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, who'll do it for food.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, to have a drink with a strange woman in a bar and pass out, wake up three days later in a seedy hotel room, find a scar on his back, and realize where the light bulb went.
Q: How many Mensans does it take to screw in a litebulb?
A: None. They know that litebulb is misspelled and therefore cannot exist to be screwed in. Now of course, if it were a Miller Lite bulb...
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