joke collection 105
Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't change light bulbs... Without light, they can't read the manual, and without the manual, they can't figure out how to change the light bulb.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Wait! Maybe the bulb isn't broken. Let's try it again.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seven. One to write the pseudocode, another to design the requisite peripherals, another three to code various sections of the main routine, another to sort out the memory conflicts, and Bill Gates to justify earning such swingeing fees...
Q: How many Microsoft Visual C++ programmers does it take ....
A: 400. 1 to change the bulb, 50 to write a magazine about it, 50 to write a help file about it, 50 to code a little gadget so when you hit the bulb it will announce all the names of the team involved, 50 to go down to the drinks machine and get everyone their can of coke, 50 to show off about how installing a light bulb for Bill has made them paper millionaires, 1 to answer the phone at the help desk ("Putting you through to our light bulb expert sir... click"), 148 to pad out the pictures in the "Light Bulb - how we did it" magazine.
Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb change message.
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A: They can't change light bulbs... Without light, they can't read the manual, and without the manual, they can't figure out how to change the light bulb.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Wait! Maybe the bulb isn't broken. Let's try it again.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seven. One to write the pseudocode, another to design the requisite peripherals, another three to code various sections of the main routine, another to sort out the memory conflicts, and Bill Gates to justify earning such swingeing fees...
Q: How many Microsoft Visual C++ programmers does it take ....
A: 400. 1 to change the bulb, 50 to write a magazine about it, 50 to write a help file about it, 50 to code a little gadget so when you hit the bulb it will announce all the names of the team involved, 50 to go down to the drinks machine and get everyone their can of coke, 50 to show off about how installing a light bulb for Bill has made them paper millionaires, 1 to answer the phone at the help desk ("Putting you through to our light bulb expert sir... click"), 148 to pad out the pictures in the "Light Bulb - how we did it" magazine.
Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb change message.
joke collection 14
Q: How many gardeners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to have a debate about whether this is the right time of year to be putting in lightbulbs or daffodil bulbs.
Q: How many gardeners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one. The new light bulbs are just as easy to change as the older, heavier ones.
Q: How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?
A: You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need.
Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six--one to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs.
Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw in all the bulbs he has until he finds one that fits, and the other to tell you he thinks he'll have to replace the whole socket.
Q: How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just *fine*.
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A: Three. One to change it and two to have a debate about whether this is the right time of year to be putting in lightbulbs or daffodil bulbs.
Q: How many gardeners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one. The new light bulbs are just as easy to change as the older, heavier ones.
Q: How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?
A: You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need.
Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six--one to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs.
Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw in all the bulbs he has until he finds one that fits, and the other to tell you he thinks he'll have to replace the whole socket.
Q: How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just *fine*.
joke collection 27
Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
Note: I thought this was something to do with the maths/logic theories of Kurt Goedel, about it being impossible to prove things, and finally a more complete explanation arrived in my mailbox : - A Goedel Number is one of several ways to encode a Turing Machine, the classical abstraction of a computer, or for that matter of any algorithm. The idea (as best I see it) is that if the machine knows its own Goedel Number it can simulate itself... It does come from the mathematician Goedel - partly because he used TMs in his famous theorem, I believe.)
Q: How many spies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Why bother?
Q: How many KGB agents does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two: One to screw it in and the other to check it for microphones.
Q: How many Trimarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Leave it out, it was only attracting mosquitos anyway.
Q: How many Caidans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Nobody knows. They can't figure out what to wear to change one.
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A: One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
Note: I thought this was something to do with the maths/logic theories of Kurt Goedel, about it being impossible to prove things, and finally a more complete explanation arrived in my mailbox : - A Goedel Number is one of several ways to encode a Turing Machine, the classical abstraction of a computer, or for that matter of any algorithm. The idea (as best I see it) is that if the machine knows its own Goedel Number it can simulate itself... It does come from the mathematician Goedel - partly because he used TMs in his famous theorem, I believe.)
Q: How many spies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Why bother?
Q: How many KGB agents does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two: One to screw it in and the other to check it for microphones.
Q: How many Trimarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Leave it out, it was only attracting mosquitos anyway.
Q: How many Caidans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Nobody knows. They can't figure out what to wear to change one.
joke collection 29
Q: How many Lacanians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three-one to do it, one to desire it, and the ignorant Other.
Note: Jacques Lacan (1901-82) was a prominent French psychoanalyst and theorist who is very influential with literary critics at the moment. This relates to his theories.)
Q: How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends whether the switch is on or off.
Q: How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If the switch is off, one. If the switch is on, any number, until one of them figures out to turn it off.
Q: How many deaf blind people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Depends on whether or not you can get them to notice the darkness...
Q: How many librarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I don't know, but I can look it up for you.
Q: How many cataloguers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but the Library of Congress has to do it first.
Q: How many NBC news producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, one to drill a hole in the light bulb so it blows up when he turns it on, one to film it, and one to insist on the truth of the report despite the manipulation.
Q: How many Supreme Court Justices does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine-three to form a plurality, two to concur in part, two to dissent one to concur in part and dissent in part with the plurality opinion, and the last to concur with the dissenters in part.
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A: Three-one to do it, one to desire it, and the ignorant Other.
Note: Jacques Lacan (1901-82) was a prominent French psychoanalyst and theorist who is very influential with literary critics at the moment. This relates to his theories.)
Q: How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends whether the switch is on or off.
Q: How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If the switch is off, one. If the switch is on, any number, until one of them figures out to turn it off.
Q: How many deaf blind people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Depends on whether or not you can get them to notice the darkness...
Q: How many librarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I don't know, but I can look it up for you.
Q: How many cataloguers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but the Library of Congress has to do it first.
Q: How many NBC news producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, one to drill a hole in the light bulb so it blows up when he turns it on, one to film it, and one to insist on the truth of the report despite the manipulation.
Q: How many Supreme Court Justices does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine-three to form a plurality, two to concur in part, two to dissent one to concur in part and dissent in part with the plurality opinion, and the last to concur with the dissenters in part.
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