joke collection 106
Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least a dozen, but it's impossible to tell which one it is, because they're all pointing at each other going "That's me, over there !"
Q: How many Bill Gates' (runs Microsoft) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. He simply declares darkness to be the new standard.
Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them. Bones to say "Its dead Jim", Uhura to send a distress signal, Sulu to listen to Chekov saying "Light bulbs vere really an old russian invention", Spock to be fascinated by the illogic inherent in the early demise of the light bulb, Scotty to do the work, and Kirk to get the girl.
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: (Bruce Babbitt) It's foolish to talk about screwing in light bulbs when we haven't even taken the first step, and that is to remove the old bulb. I challenge my fellow candidates to stand up with me and help me remove this old light bulb [stands, but nobody else does] Hah! What wimps. You guys make Bush look like Rambo.
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: (Richard Gephart) It doesn't matter whether the bulb is changed or not; it only matters that the new bulb was made in the US of A. Taiwan and South Korea have put up massive barriers to importing US light bulbs; we'll see how they like it when their bulbs cost $10,000 to screw in here.
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A: At least a dozen, but it's impossible to tell which one it is, because they're all pointing at each other going "That's me, over there !"
Q: How many Bill Gates' (runs Microsoft) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. He simply declares darkness to be the new standard.
Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them. Bones to say "Its dead Jim", Uhura to send a distress signal, Sulu to listen to Chekov saying "Light bulbs vere really an old russian invention", Spock to be fascinated by the illogic inherent in the early demise of the light bulb, Scotty to do the work, and Kirk to get the girl.
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: (Bruce Babbitt) It's foolish to talk about screwing in light bulbs when we haven't even taken the first step, and that is to remove the old bulb. I challenge my fellow candidates to stand up with me and help me remove this old light bulb [stands, but nobody else does] Hah! What wimps. You guys make Bush look like Rambo.
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: (Richard Gephart) It doesn't matter whether the bulb is changed or not; it only matters that the new bulb was made in the US of A. Taiwan and South Korea have put up massive barriers to importing US light bulbs; we'll see how they like it when their bulbs cost $10,000 to screw in here.
joke collection 77
Q: How many sci.math readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Pi. Two hold the ladder, one the bulb, but something irrational remains about it.
Q: How many alt.tla readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One-no! Six is!
Q: How many alt.newbie readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Me! Me too! Me too!
Q: How many alt.fan.hofstadter readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They have special lightbulbs that screw themselves.
Q: How many alt.fan.douglas-adams readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 42.
Q: How many alt.alien.visitors readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. (screw screw screw) Aargh! The light! I'm being abducted!
Q: How many alt.1d readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Hmmm, yes, very funny, but what has this got to do with 1d ?
Q: How many alt.spam readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, if you buy our newest ACME Lightbulb screwer, for only $10, from XPOSTS R US, Velveeta, Ca, USA. Contact now!
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A: Pi. Two hold the ladder, one the bulb, but something irrational remains about it.
Q: How many alt.tla readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One-no! Six is!
Q: How many alt.newbie readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Me! Me too! Me too!
Q: How many alt.fan.hofstadter readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They have special lightbulbs that screw themselves.
Q: How many alt.fan.douglas-adams readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 42.
Q: How many alt.alien.visitors readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. (screw screw screw) Aargh! The light! I'm being abducted!
Q: How many alt.1d readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Hmmm, yes, very funny, but what has this got to do with 1d ?
Q: How many alt.spam readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, if you buy our newest ACME Lightbulb screwer, for only $10, from XPOSTS R US, Velveeta, Ca, USA. Contact now!
joke collection 13
Q: How many operating systems are required to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one-Microsoft is making a special version of Windows for it.
Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle...
Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but she/he'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy for him as it would be for a Macintosh user.
Q: How many people does it take to change an object-oriented light bulb?
A: Change it? Aw shucks, I was going to reuse it.
Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.
Q: How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light bulb works fine on the system in my office . . .
Q: How many shipping dept. personnel does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We can change the bulb in 7-10 working days; if you call before 2pm and pay an extra $15 we can get the bulb changed overnight.
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A: Just one-Microsoft is making a special version of Windows for it.
Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle...
Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but she/he'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy for him as it would be for a Macintosh user.
Q: How many people does it take to change an object-oriented light bulb?
A: Change it? Aw shucks, I was going to reuse it.
Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.
Q: How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light bulb works fine on the system in my office . . .
Q: How many shipping dept. personnel does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We can change the bulb in 7-10 working days; if you call before 2pm and pay an extra $15 we can get the bulb changed overnight.
joke collection 40
Q: How many body builders/weightlifters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 6. One to change it and 5 to say "Man, you've got huge muscles !"
Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, but one is enough to screw up the joke.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Duh.... whats a lightbulb???
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It depends how many blondes there are, but some people prefer it with the lights off.
Q: How many poltergeists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to unscrew the old bulb and drop it on the floor, one to put the new bulb in, and one to move a few more things about just for good measure.
Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There is nothing to change.
Q: How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sod it, we're all gonna die anyway.
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A: 6. One to change it and 5 to say "Man, you've got huge muscles !"
Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, but one is enough to screw up the joke.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Duh.... whats a lightbulb???
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It depends how many blondes there are, but some people prefer it with the lights off.
Q: How many poltergeists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to unscrew the old bulb and drop it on the floor, one to put the new bulb in, and one to move a few more things about just for good measure.
Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There is nothing to change.
Q: How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sod it, we're all gonna die anyway.
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