joke collection 77
Q: How many sci.math readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Pi. Two hold the ladder, one the bulb, but something irrational remains about it.
Q: How many alt.tla readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One-no! Six is!
Q: How many alt.newbie readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Me! Me too! Me too!
Q: How many alt.fan.hofstadter readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They have special lightbulbs that screw themselves.
Q: How many alt.fan.douglas-adams readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 42.
Q: How many alt.alien.visitors readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. (screw screw screw) Aargh! The light! I'm being abducted!
Q: How many alt.1d readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Hmmm, yes, very funny, but what has this got to do with 1d ?
Q: How many alt.spam readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, if you buy our newest ACME Lightbulb screwer, for only $10, from XPOSTS R US, Velveeta, Ca, USA. Contact now!
 |
|
|
|
|
 | ||||
A: Pi. Two hold the ladder, one the bulb, but something irrational remains about it.
Q: How many alt.tla readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One-no! Six is!
Q: How many alt.newbie readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Me! Me too! Me too!
Q: How many alt.fan.hofstadter readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They have special lightbulbs that screw themselves.
Q: How many alt.fan.douglas-adams readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 42.
Q: How many alt.alien.visitors readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. (screw screw screw) Aargh! The light! I'm being abducted!
Q: How many alt.1d readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Hmmm, yes, very funny, but what has this got to do with 1d ?
Q: How many alt.spam readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, if you buy our newest ACME Lightbulb screwer, for only $10, from XPOSTS R US, Velveeta, Ca, USA. Contact now!
joke collection 17
Q: How many inner-city gang members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Four--one to rob the liquor store to get money for the bulb, one to drive the getaway car, one to screw it in, and one to hold his crack pipe while he does it.
Q: How many Honor Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 22, one to screw it in, 21 to shoot the bulb.
Q: How many ice skaters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw in the bulb, one to hire a hitman on club the other skater on the knee.
Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Who who wants to know?
Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just what exactly do you mean by that?
Q: How many movie actresses does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but you should've seen the line outside the producer's hotel room.
Q: How many movie directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone thinks that his last lightbulb was much better.
|
|
|
|
|
| ||||
A: Four--one to rob the liquor store to get money for the bulb, one to drive the getaway car, one to screw it in, and one to hold his crack pipe while he does it.
Q: How many Honor Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 22, one to screw it in, 21 to shoot the bulb.
Q: How many ice skaters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw in the bulb, one to hire a hitman on club the other skater on the knee.
Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Who who wants to know?
Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just what exactly do you mean by that?
Q: How many movie actresses does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but you should've seen the line outside the producer's hotel room.
Q: How many movie directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone thinks that his last lightbulb was much better.
joke collection 76
Q: How many USENETers does it take to screw in a ligth bulb?
A. None. They are so busy hogging up bandwidth taking out their postadolescent frustrations on each other, that they never get around to it!
Q: How many rec.humor.funny readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 50. They all stand out in the hall while Maddi comes out every once in a while and looks at all the light bulbs people have brought. Finally she selects a few. They're all quite feeble and burn out after a few minutes, so she comes out for more. But she selects more dim bulbs, which causes great discontent among the people who have brought really bright, long-lasting bulbs.
Q: How many rec.humour posters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 31. One to change the lightbulb and thirty to flame them for picking the wrong wattage. No, better make that 32 ... Captain Nitpick will want to point out that the newsgroup is rec.humor (US spelling) *not* rec.humour.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 100-one to announce that it burned out, 10 to agree, 20 to come running in with new light bulbs and screw them in, 9 to screw them in and leave the old bulb in, 10 to ask for a videotape of the screwing, another one to come in a few minutes later and notice the bulb went out again and start the whole process all over again. And one (me!) to notice that this doesn't actually add up to 100.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 1000. And they change the same bulb over and over and over again and still no one notices it's been changed so they change it again and again and then they even discuss it and then someone flames them for not doing it in rec.humor.d.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 565. 1 to put in a trick bulb (say, a flash bulb), 6 to flame the first, pointing out that this bulb is different from the old one, 29 to counter-flame, pointing out that the new bulb is *deliberately* different, and is parodying the old one, 7 to leave the room, citing the extreme density of the 6, 12 to demand that this commentary be redirected to the other room, 14 to ask that the bulb be changed again, since they missed seeing it the first time, and 496 (a bit excessive, but it's not my joke) to climb all over each other, trying to put the old bulb back in.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: An infinitely growing number: One to announce that the bulb burned out. Ten to agree. One to change it, one to post in saying "I got it", one to post in saying "Yes, but they have shots for it nowadays", one to post in saying "Our news software hasn't been working and I missed the original lightbulb joke. Would someone please post it again or email it to me ?", one to post in quoting everything so far and the words "Me too", two to turn it into a cascade, another ten to build the cascade into a disk-wasting monster, one to post in with "I don't get it. Isn't this the place for FUNNY jokes ?", one to post in after two months "What's this lightbulb joke you're all talking about ?", one to repost it a month later thinking it's a new joke, one to post "I didn't get it. What's the punchline ?", one to post "Has anyone got a list of these? I'm starting a list, so please send me all your lightbulb jokes", and one to cross-post the joke to alt.fan.lightbulbs 6 months later prefixed by "Are we allowed to tell jokes in here ?" and accompanied by all of our old favourites like "How many programmers...? None that's a hardware problem.", three to ask, a month later, "What FTP sites are the old lightbulbs archived at ?", and any number to revive the entire exchange at stochastic intervals of two to six months.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 28. One to screw in the first one, 3 to follow the first one by screwing in the exact same bulb, 20 to screw in an almost completely similar bulb with a slight difference, 3 to complain about the lighting, 1 to explain that it was not the right type of bulb for this socket, and 1 standing by displaying the canonical collection of bulbs.
|
|
|
|
|
| ||||
A. None. They are so busy hogging up bandwidth taking out their postadolescent frustrations on each other, that they never get around to it!
Q: How many rec.humor.funny readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 50. They all stand out in the hall while Maddi comes out every once in a while and looks at all the light bulbs people have brought. Finally she selects a few. They're all quite feeble and burn out after a few minutes, so she comes out for more. But she selects more dim bulbs, which causes great discontent among the people who have brought really bright, long-lasting bulbs.
Q: How many rec.humour posters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 31. One to change the lightbulb and thirty to flame them for picking the wrong wattage. No, better make that 32 ... Captain Nitpick will want to point out that the newsgroup is rec.humor (US spelling) *not* rec.humour.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 100-one to announce that it burned out, 10 to agree, 20 to come running in with new light bulbs and screw them in, 9 to screw them in and leave the old bulb in, 10 to ask for a videotape of the screwing, another one to come in a few minutes later and notice the bulb went out again and start the whole process all over again. And one (me!) to notice that this doesn't actually add up to 100.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 1000. And they change the same bulb over and over and over again and still no one notices it's been changed so they change it again and again and then they even discuss it and then someone flames them for not doing it in rec.humor.d.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 565. 1 to put in a trick bulb (say, a flash bulb), 6 to flame the first, pointing out that this bulb is different from the old one, 29 to counter-flame, pointing out that the new bulb is *deliberately* different, and is parodying the old one, 7 to leave the room, citing the extreme density of the 6, 12 to demand that this commentary be redirected to the other room, 14 to ask that the bulb be changed again, since they missed seeing it the first time, and 496 (a bit excessive, but it's not my joke) to climb all over each other, trying to put the old bulb back in.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: An infinitely growing number: One to announce that the bulb burned out. Ten to agree. One to change it, one to post in saying "I got it", one to post in saying "Yes, but they have shots for it nowadays", one to post in saying "Our news software hasn't been working and I missed the original lightbulb joke. Would someone please post it again or email it to me ?", one to post in quoting everything so far and the words "Me too", two to turn it into a cascade, another ten to build the cascade into a disk-wasting monster, one to post in with "I don't get it. Isn't this the place for FUNNY jokes ?", one to post in after two months "What's this lightbulb joke you're all talking about ?", one to repost it a month later thinking it's a new joke, one to post "I didn't get it. What's the punchline ?", one to post "Has anyone got a list of these? I'm starting a list, so please send me all your lightbulb jokes", and one to cross-post the joke to alt.fan.lightbulbs 6 months later prefixed by "Are we allowed to tell jokes in here ?" and accompanied by all of our old favourites like "How many programmers...? None that's a hardware problem.", three to ask, a month later, "What FTP sites are the old lightbulbs archived at ?", and any number to revive the entire exchange at stochastic intervals of two to six months.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 28. One to screw in the first one, 3 to follow the first one by screwing in the exact same bulb, 20 to screw in an almost completely similar bulb with a slight difference, 3 to complain about the lighting, 1 to explain that it was not the right type of bulb for this socket, and 1 standing by displaying the canonical collection of bulbs.
joke collection 84
Q: How many Apple programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but why bother ? Your light socket will just be obsolete in six months anyway.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It burned out? You must be using a non-standard socket.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They just write it up as a new and useful feature.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One--but Bill Gates must inspect every single bulb and socket before the operation is started.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
Q: How many safety inspectors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it and three to hold the ladder.
Q: How many civil servants does it take to change the light bulb?
A: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
|
|
|
|
|
| ||||
A: Only one, but why bother ? Your light socket will just be obsolete in six months anyway.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It burned out? You must be using a non-standard socket.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They just write it up as a new and useful feature.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One--but Bill Gates must inspect every single bulb and socket before the operation is started.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
Q: How many safety inspectors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it and three to hold the ladder.
Q: How many civil servants does it take to change the light bulb?
A: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
Page 11 of 27 «« Previous | Next »»