joke collection 88
Q: How many Princeton students does it take to screw in a lightblub?
A: Sigh. The Alumni pay people to do things like that for us.
Note: Princeton has a reputation for being wealthier than the other seven.
Q: How many Princeton students does it take to screw in a lightblub?
A: I don't know, let me call my maid.
Note: Princeton has a reputation for being wealthier than the other seven.
Q: How many Indiana University "notes" users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them, since changing light bulbs is the only kind of job they can get after they graduate.
Note: Not meant to offend students at the Indiana University.
Q: How many Indiana University "notes" users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Have you ever wondered why it's so dark in Bloomington?
Q: How many Japanese industrialists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three--one to make sure the new bulb is not foreign, one to change the bulb, and one to look into the export potential of the old bulb.
Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, They don't make Pampers small enough.
Q: How many tight wads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to complain that even after all these technical advances, a lightbulb still only lasts 1000 hours.
Q: How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four--One to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
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A: Sigh. The Alumni pay people to do things like that for us.
Note: Princeton has a reputation for being wealthier than the other seven.
Q: How many Princeton students does it take to screw in a lightblub?
A: I don't know, let me call my maid.
Note: Princeton has a reputation for being wealthier than the other seven.
Q: How many Indiana University "notes" users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them, since changing light bulbs is the only kind of job they can get after they graduate.
Note: Not meant to offend students at the Indiana University.
Q: How many Indiana University "notes" users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Have you ever wondered why it's so dark in Bloomington?
Q: How many Japanese industrialists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three--one to make sure the new bulb is not foreign, one to change the bulb, and one to look into the export potential of the old bulb.
Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, They don't make Pampers small enough.
Q: How many tight wads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to complain that even after all these technical advances, a lightbulb still only lasts 1000 hours.
Q: How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four--One to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
joke collection 89
Q: How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, bankers don't change light bulbs.
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Haig) One. Snap to it, soldier!
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Bush) None. (Bush in an earnest lap dog voice) I resent that question. I've answered it before, and I think the media are keeping this thing alive. I think the American people are tired of light bulb jokes.
Q: How many Douglas Wilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, he can't decide if he is going to screw a lightbulb in or not!
Q: How many Chuck Robbs does it to take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, Douglas Wilder broke his lamp and Oliver North sold his lightbulb to Iran.
Q: How many senators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a quorum.
Q: How many Dan Quayles does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it has to be a pretty dim bulb.
Q: How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, at least until we get some corroborating witnesses.
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A: None, bankers don't change light bulbs.
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Haig) One. Snap to it, soldier!
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Bush) None. (Bush in an earnest lap dog voice) I resent that question. I've answered it before, and I think the media are keeping this thing alive. I think the American people are tired of light bulb jokes.
Q: How many Douglas Wilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, he can't decide if he is going to screw a lightbulb in or not!
Q: How many Chuck Robbs does it to take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, Douglas Wilder broke his lamp and Oliver North sold his lightbulb to Iran.
Q: How many senators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a quorum.
Q: How many Dan Quayles does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it has to be a pretty dim bulb.
Q: How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, at least until we get some corroborating witnesses.
joke collection 47
Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. That's what research students are for.
Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five: One to write the grant proposal, one to do the mathematical modelling, one to type the research paper, one to submit the paper for publishing, and one to hire a student to do the work.
Q: How many sheep does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to follow him round while he looks for a new one.
Q: Why did the `Real Man' sit in the dark?
A: He couldn't find a new light bulb and was too embrassed to ask.
Q: How many George Smillivitches does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, becouse tough girls aren't afraid of the dark.
Q: How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it, and one of them can change the bulb while he's at it.
Q: How many French farmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. Farmer #1 goes away and gets a new lightbulb. Farmer #2 notices that it has been imported from Britain and promptly sets fire to it, so farmer #1 has to go and get another one, and then farmer #3 changes it.
Note: Topical to French farmers setting fire to imported British sheep.)
Q: How many Ku Klux Klansmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One hundred-one to do it and the others to stand around solemnly and watch the old bulb burn.
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A: None. That's what research students are for.
Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five: One to write the grant proposal, one to do the mathematical modelling, one to type the research paper, one to submit the paper for publishing, and one to hire a student to do the work.
Q: How many sheep does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to follow him round while he looks for a new one.
Q: Why did the `Real Man' sit in the dark?
A: He couldn't find a new light bulb and was too embrassed to ask.
Q: How many George Smillivitches does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, becouse tough girls aren't afraid of the dark.
Q: How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it, and one of them can change the bulb while he's at it.
Q: How many French farmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. Farmer #1 goes away and gets a new lightbulb. Farmer #2 notices that it has been imported from Britain and promptly sets fire to it, so farmer #1 has to go and get another one, and then farmer #3 changes it.
Note: Topical to French farmers setting fire to imported British sheep.)
Q: How many Ku Klux Klansmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One hundred-one to do it and the others to stand around solemnly and watch the old bulb burn.
joke collection 49
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six. One to screw in the lightbulb and five to fend off all those Californians trying to share the experience.
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest about the nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that powers it.
Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
Q: How many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They prefer everything all black anyway.
Q: How many Evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 33. One to do it, 2 to bask in its glory, and 30 to take collections in the bulb's name.
Q: How many sorority sisters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb, and four to make T-shirts. And optionally, we may add one fraternity to start the "wet T-shirt" contest!
Q: How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to replace it and one to tell him it was burned out (in states that still have car-inspection laws.)
Q: How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to stand on the ladder, and two to carry enough light bulbs until one is found that isn't defective.
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A: Six. One to screw in the lightbulb and five to fend off all those Californians trying to share the experience.
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest about the nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that powers it.
Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
Q: How many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They prefer everything all black anyway.
Q: How many Evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 33. One to do it, 2 to bask in its glory, and 30 to take collections in the bulb's name.
Q: How many sorority sisters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb, and four to make T-shirts. And optionally, we may add one fraternity to start the "wet T-shirt" contest!
Q: How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to replace it and one to tell him it was burned out (in states that still have car-inspection laws.)
Q: How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to stand on the ladder, and two to carry enough light bulbs until one is found that isn't defective.
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