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light bulb jokes


joke collection 74
 
 
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.

Q: How many 'real' programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. 'Real' programmers prefer LEDs.

Q: How many Newtons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Foux! There to eat lemons, axe gravy soup.

Q: How many Newtons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Farm.
Note: Refers to the Newton's poor handwriting recognition techniques of the past.

Q: How many Apple Newton users does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only one, tharks to the extnq-producilve handwritling processcr.

Q: How many alt.freaks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they just all move into a room with a working light.

joke collection 16
 
 
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they only screw the poor.

Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Dole) When I was a poor boy growing up in Kansas we didn't have light bulbs. Now I have the housekeeper do it.

Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (DuPont) Light bulbs need to be changed? Gosh. I guess the servants have always taken care of that... With a DuPont administration, the power of the free market will be unleashed to produce light bulbs that never need changing.

Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Robertson) Oh, Lord, with thy divine illumination, heal this light bulb!

Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Kemp) It's morning in America! Why should we worry about light bulbs? Let those doom-crying Democrats worry about light bulbs! [stumble over chair in the dark].

joke collection 31
 
 
Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Ten. One to screw in the bulb and the other nine for crowd control.

Q: How many Torontonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Fifty-one to do it and the other forty-nine to proclaim it's the greatest event in the history of creation, a truly world-class bulb screwing.

Q: How many Serbs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two--one to shoot the old bulb out and one to screw the new one in.

Q: How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to do it and one to cross the road.

Q: How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, and she'll screw it in as soon as she decides it isn't going to hatch.

Q: How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They're all far too busy crossing the road.

Q: How many kindergarden kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, two, three... Mummy! can I use my toes?

Q: How many undertakers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just paint them black and go on using them.

joke collection 43
 
 
Q: How many people about to move out of the city does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They don't bother, the neighborhood's been turning black anyway.

Q: How many humans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Not sure; I only know it takes only one to press the button which obliterates them all. The problem is estimating how many thousand years will be required to rediscover the technology to manufacture more and replace them.

Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. Two to do it, and one to renormalise the wave function.

Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One: of course. Two to do it, and -1 to renormalise the wave-function. (Explanation - Renormalising the wave function is something that has to be done to a lot of quantum physics calculations to stop the answer being infinity and makes the answer always come out as one.)

Q: How many quantum mechanicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't. When they get the socket to hold still, they can't find it.

Q: How many quantum mechanicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't. If they know where the socket is, they cannot locate the new bulb.

Q: How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If you know the number, you don't know where the light bulb is.


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