joke collection 70
Q: How many experienced computer users does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Why do they have to keep changing it ? Every bloody week. You'd've thought they'd have learnt by now, if it's not broken they shouldn't bugger about with it. What's that ? It WAS broken this time you say ? *Blush*
Q: How many PC users does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to do it, but one to check the new bulb for viruses first.
Q: How many municipal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seven - two to administer the Civil Service examination for the Light Bulb Administrator position, the Commissioner of Public Works, who ends up hiring his brother for the position anyway, one to plow the mayor's driveway, a Summer Youth student to actually screw it in, and a Union steward to protest that its the electrician's job to screw in lightbulbs.
Q: How many fat-cat factory owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The replacement bulbs have refused to cross the union picket lines.
Q: How many carpenters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sod you! That's the electrician's job.
Q: How many utilitarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: As many as are happy screwing in light bulbs.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many sado-masochists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to hold it and one to kick the chair out from under him.
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A: Why do they have to keep changing it ? Every bloody week. You'd've thought they'd have learnt by now, if it's not broken they shouldn't bugger about with it. What's that ? It WAS broken this time you say ? *Blush*
Q: How many PC users does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to do it, but one to check the new bulb for viruses first.
Q: How many municipal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seven - two to administer the Civil Service examination for the Light Bulb Administrator position, the Commissioner of Public Works, who ends up hiring his brother for the position anyway, one to plow the mayor's driveway, a Summer Youth student to actually screw it in, and a Union steward to protest that its the electrician's job to screw in lightbulbs.
Q: How many fat-cat factory owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The replacement bulbs have refused to cross the union picket lines.
Q: How many carpenters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sod you! That's the electrician's job.
Q: How many utilitarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: As many as are happy screwing in light bulbs.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many sado-masochists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to hold it and one to kick the chair out from under him.
joke collection 06
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one, once you've managed to present the problem in terms he/she is familiar with.
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One. He gives it to six Oregonians, thereby simplifying the problem to the previous question.
Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: This should be determined using a nonparametric procedure, since statisticians are not normal.
Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Walt Pirie to hold the bulb and one psychologist, one economist, one sociologist and one anthroplogist to pull away the ladder.
Q: How many Union Electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seventeen - One to give the bulb to the screw-inner. One to screw in the bulb. One to hold him on the step ladder. Four to hold the step ladder steady. One to flick the switch to test the bulb. One to make sure that the other bulbs in the room will need fixing. One to supervise. Two to take a coffee break, one to eat lunch, and one to nap. One to plot the best way of breaking into the apartment at night. One to drink gin n tonics with the yuppies.
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A: None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one, once you've managed to present the problem in terms he/she is familiar with.
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One. He gives it to six Oregonians, thereby simplifying the problem to the previous question.
Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: This should be determined using a nonparametric procedure, since statisticians are not normal.
Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Walt Pirie to hold the bulb and one psychologist, one economist, one sociologist and one anthroplogist to pull away the ladder.
Q: How many Union Electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seventeen - One to give the bulb to the screw-inner. One to screw in the bulb. One to hold him on the step ladder. Four to hold the step ladder steady. One to flick the switch to test the bulb. One to make sure that the other bulbs in the room will need fixing. One to supervise. Two to take a coffee break, one to eat lunch, and one to nap. One to plot the best way of breaking into the apartment at night. One to drink gin n tonics with the yuppies.
joke collection 18
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.
Q: How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it's done.
Q: How many Tory MP's does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm sorry I can't tell you that, the light bulb changing service has been privatised and the information you require is commercially sensitive.
Q: How many Thatcherites does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. It's up to the private sector to provide the finance for it.
Q: How many John Majors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to not do anything about it and one to try and blame the failure of the old bulb on the Labour party who put the original bulb in place 17 years ago.
Q: How many Home Secretaries does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None - they merely sack someone else for letting it go out.
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A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.
Q: How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it's done.
Q: How many Tory MP's does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm sorry I can't tell you that, the light bulb changing service has been privatised and the information you require is commercially sensitive.
Q: How many Thatcherites does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. It's up to the private sector to provide the finance for it.
Q: How many John Majors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to not do anything about it and one to try and blame the failure of the old bulb on the Labour party who put the original bulb in place 17 years ago.
Q: How many Home Secretaries does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None - they merely sack someone else for letting it go out.
joke collection 62
Q: How many battery chickens does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 21. 1 to change the bulb, and 20 to provide the current.
Q: How many elephants does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two, but it has to be a pretty big light bulb!
Q: Why did the lightbulb cross the road ?
A: Because it saw 2 elephants coming.
Q: How many televangelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: None. They screw in hotel rooms.
Q: How many gas fitters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three: One to turn up the day before when you're out, one to change the switch, and one to bring along the wrong kind of bulb.
Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 60,000 dead and 300,000 injured.
Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Ceaucescu restricted them to use only one 40 watt bulb per family to save electricity.
Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: How many packs of cigarettes are you willing to give them?
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A: 21. 1 to change the bulb, and 20 to provide the current.
Q: How many elephants does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two, but it has to be a pretty big light bulb!
Q: Why did the lightbulb cross the road ?
A: Because it saw 2 elephants coming.
Q: How many televangelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: None. They screw in hotel rooms.
Q: How many gas fitters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three: One to turn up the day before when you're out, one to change the switch, and one to bring along the wrong kind of bulb.
Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 60,000 dead and 300,000 injured.
Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Ceaucescu restricted them to use only one 40 watt bulb per family to save electricity.
Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: How many packs of cigarettes are you willing to give them?
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