joke collection 07
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my advisor a $100,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he can tell me how to do the work for him so he can take the credit for answering this incredibly vital question.
Q: How many pre-med students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One hundred; one to change the lightbulb, the other ninety-nine to stand around wondering why they weren't chosen.
Q: How many medical students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are too busy propping up the bar.
Q: How many computer studies students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are far too busy hacking.
Q: How many maths students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 20. One to change it and the rest to watch and discuss how exciting it is.
Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Let's see: 2 A+'s, 3 A's, 5 A-'s, 11 B+'s, 9 B's, 21 B-'s...
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A: I don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my advisor a $100,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he can tell me how to do the work for him so he can take the credit for answering this incredibly vital question.
Q: How many pre-med students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One hundred; one to change the lightbulb, the other ninety-nine to stand around wondering why they weren't chosen.
Q: How many medical students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are too busy propping up the bar.
Q: How many computer studies students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are far too busy hacking.
Q: How many maths students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 20. One to change it and the rest to watch and discuss how exciting it is.
Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Let's see: 2 A+'s, 3 A's, 5 A-'s, 11 B+'s, 9 B's, 21 B-'s...
joke collection 33
Q: What do a Soviet emigre and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common?
A: Neither one is very bright.
Q: How many bailiffs does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Ten. One to change it, one to hit you in the kidneys, and 8 to stand around such that none of this gets caught on camera.
Q: How many Spinks handlers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. 1 to actually screw in the light bulb, 1 to carry him out of the ring, 1 to tell him who put the lights out, 2 to count the money, and it all only takes 91 seconds!
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It only takes one to change your bulb...to his.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change it and 2 to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection !"
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, lawyers only screw us.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Lawyers don't change bulbs. Now if you're looking for someone to really screw a bulb...
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A: Neither one is very bright.
Q: How many bailiffs does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Ten. One to change it, one to hit you in the kidneys, and 8 to stand around such that none of this gets caught on camera.
Q: How many Spinks handlers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. 1 to actually screw in the light bulb, 1 to carry him out of the ring, 1 to tell him who put the lights out, 2 to count the money, and it all only takes 91 seconds!
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It only takes one to change your bulb...to his.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change it and 2 to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection !"
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, lawyers only screw us.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Lawyers don't change bulbs. Now if you're looking for someone to really screw a bulb...
joke collection 72
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five - one to change the bulb and four to protect him from muggers.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 21 - one to change it and 20 to watch it happen without trying to stop it.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to get murdered under the burnt-out bulb and the other to replace it after the ensuing publicity.
Q: How many polite, considerate native New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Both of them.
Q: How many Yorkshiremen does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to change it, one to hold his racing pigeon, one to hold his greyhound, and one to drink his pint of bitter.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
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A: 50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five - one to change the bulb and four to protect him from muggers.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 21 - one to change it and 20 to watch it happen without trying to stop it.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to get murdered under the burnt-out bulb and the other to replace it after the ensuing publicity.
Q: How many polite, considerate native New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Both of them.
Q: How many Yorkshiremen does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to change it, one to hold his racing pigeon, one to hold his greyhound, and one to drink his pint of bitter.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
joke collection 92
Q: How many copyeditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. "I'm not changing a thing"
Q: How many marketing directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?
Q: How many proofreaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Proofreaders aren't supposed to change lightbulbs. They should just query them.
Q: How many publishers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in. Two to hold down the author.
Q: How many sales directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (pause) I get it! This is one of those lightbulb jokes, right?
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to remove the bulb from the socket and take it away without checking whether or not there was actually anything wrong with it, one to accuse its owners of mistreating it, one to find somewhere else to screw it in for the next 6 months, and one to eventually bring it back and say it was all done with the lightbulb's best interests at heart.
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change the bulb, one to counsel the old bulb because it's been thrown away by an uncaring society, one to arrange the case conference and one to make sure they are all following the correct working practice.
Note: Several of the jokes below relate to Ivy league schools. No offense was meant by them.
Q: How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None--Hanover doesn't have electricity!
Note: Dartmouth is way out in the middle of nowhere in New Hampshire.
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A: None. "I'm not changing a thing"
Q: How many marketing directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?
Q: How many proofreaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Proofreaders aren't supposed to change lightbulbs. They should just query them.
Q: How many publishers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in. Two to hold down the author.
Q: How many sales directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (pause) I get it! This is one of those lightbulb jokes, right?
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to remove the bulb from the socket and take it away without checking whether or not there was actually anything wrong with it, one to accuse its owners of mistreating it, one to find somewhere else to screw it in for the next 6 months, and one to eventually bring it back and say it was all done with the lightbulb's best interests at heart.
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change the bulb, one to counsel the old bulb because it's been thrown away by an uncaring society, one to arrange the case conference and one to make sure they are all following the correct working practice.
Note: Several of the jokes below relate to Ivy league schools. No offense was meant by them.
Q: How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None--Hanover doesn't have electricity!
Note: Dartmouth is way out in the middle of nowhere in New Hampshire.
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