joke collection 75
Q: How many alt.anagrams readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to say it can't be done because there aren't enough vowels, one to be clever and change "a lightbulb" into "bull bit hag", and one to try and sell copies of the "Anagram for Windows" program he wrote.
Q: How many alt.fan.pratchett readers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to actually change the bulb, one to write amusing footnotes about it, one to propose to Laura, and a newbie to ask if that's really THE Terry Or colette or both, and then to realise that the speed of light can't be measured, except in badgers, or possibly multiple of pi, then to say sod it and ask if anyone knows where to find the lyrics for the hedgehog song...
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It depends on the way the bulb is threaded.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two-fifty.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, to be dying of cancer and request that everybody around the world send him light bulbs so he can get into the Guinness Book of World Records.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, who'll do it for food.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, to have a drink with a strange woman in a bar and pass out, wake up three days later in a seedy hotel room, find a scar on his back, and realize where the light bulb went.
Q: How many Mensans does it take to screw in a litebulb?
A: None. They know that litebulb is misspelled and therefore cannot exist to be screwed in. Now of course, if it were a Miller Lite bulb...
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A: Three. One to say it can't be done because there aren't enough vowels, one to be clever and change "a lightbulb" into "bull bit hag", and one to try and sell copies of the "Anagram for Windows" program he wrote.
Q: How many alt.fan.pratchett readers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to actually change the bulb, one to write amusing footnotes about it, one to propose to Laura, and a newbie to ask if that's really THE Terry Or colette or both, and then to realise that the speed of light can't be measured, except in badgers, or possibly multiple of pi, then to say sod it and ask if anyone knows where to find the lyrics for the hedgehog song...
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It depends on the way the bulb is threaded.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two-fifty.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, to be dying of cancer and request that everybody around the world send him light bulbs so he can get into the Guinness Book of World Records.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, who'll do it for food.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, to have a drink with a strange woman in a bar and pass out, wake up three days later in a seedy hotel room, find a scar on his back, and realize where the light bulb went.
Q: How many Mensans does it take to screw in a litebulb?
A: None. They know that litebulb is misspelled and therefore cannot exist to be screwed in. Now of course, if it were a Miller Lite bulb...
joke collection 85
Q: How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two--one to screw it in, and a second to hand out leaflets.
Q: How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes him about 30 years to realize that the old one has burnt out.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the seeds of revolution and change are within the lightbulb itself.
Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
Q: How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes him seven weeks to get there.
Note: topical to the Falkland Islands war.
Q: How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10,000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.
Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they can all see by the light at the end of the tunnel.
Q: How many Maoists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to screw in the bulb and a thousand to chant "Fight Darkness!"
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A: Two--one to screw it in, and a second to hand out leaflets.
Q: How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes him about 30 years to realize that the old one has burnt out.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the seeds of revolution and change are within the lightbulb itself.
Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
Q: How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes him seven weeks to get there.
Note: topical to the Falkland Islands war.
Q: How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10,000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.
Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they can all see by the light at the end of the tunnel.
Q: How many Maoists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to screw in the bulb and a thousand to chant "Fight Darkness!"
joke collection 07
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my advisor a $100,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he can tell me how to do the work for him so he can take the credit for answering this incredibly vital question.
Q: How many pre-med students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One hundred; one to change the lightbulb, the other ninety-nine to stand around wondering why they weren't chosen.
Q: How many medical students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are too busy propping up the bar.
Q: How many computer studies students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are far too busy hacking.
Q: How many maths students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 20. One to change it and the rest to watch and discuss how exciting it is.
Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Let's see: 2 A+'s, 3 A's, 5 A-'s, 11 B+'s, 9 B's, 21 B-'s...
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A: I don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my advisor a $100,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he can tell me how to do the work for him so he can take the credit for answering this incredibly vital question.
Q: How many pre-med students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One hundred; one to change the lightbulb, the other ninety-nine to stand around wondering why they weren't chosen.
Q: How many medical students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are too busy propping up the bar.
Q: How many computer studies students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are far too busy hacking.
Q: How many maths students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 20. One to change it and the rest to watch and discuss how exciting it is.
Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Let's see: 2 A+'s, 3 A's, 5 A-'s, 11 B+'s, 9 B's, 21 B-'s...
joke collection 58
Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter. Nobody will notice anyway.
Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but the guitarist has to show him first
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to light a candle and say it's just as good as electric light.
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: "I've got a candle that looks just like it."
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Lightbulbs? C'mon, I got sunlight, fluorescent, candles-anything you want.
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "Oh, just one. But this bulb won't do. You want to use a 3-way bulb, but if you can afford it, I hear that next month GE will be coming out .... "
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but if you wait until next month, Yamaha will have a new model bulb out which is much better.
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw in the bulb, and one to patch it into the Korg.
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A: It doesn't matter. Nobody will notice anyway.
Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but the guitarist has to show him first
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to light a candle and say it's just as good as electric light.
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: "I've got a candle that looks just like it."
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Lightbulbs? C'mon, I got sunlight, fluorescent, candles-anything you want.
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "Oh, just one. But this bulb won't do. You want to use a 3-way bulb, but if you can afford it, I hear that next month GE will be coming out .... "
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but if you wait until next month, Yamaha will have a new model bulb out which is much better.
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw in the bulb, and one to patch it into the Korg.
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