joke collection 88
Q: How many Princeton students does it take to screw in a lightblub?
A: Sigh. The Alumni pay people to do things like that for us.
Note: Princeton has a reputation for being wealthier than the other seven.
Q: How many Princeton students does it take to screw in a lightblub?
A: I don't know, let me call my maid.
Note: Princeton has a reputation for being wealthier than the other seven.
Q: How many Indiana University "notes" users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them, since changing light bulbs is the only kind of job they can get after they graduate.
Note: Not meant to offend students at the Indiana University.
Q: How many Indiana University "notes" users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Have you ever wondered why it's so dark in Bloomington?
Q: How many Japanese industrialists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three--one to make sure the new bulb is not foreign, one to change the bulb, and one to look into the export potential of the old bulb.
Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, They don't make Pampers small enough.
Q: How many tight wads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to complain that even after all these technical advances, a lightbulb still only lasts 1000 hours.
Q: How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four--One to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
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A: Sigh. The Alumni pay people to do things like that for us.
Note: Princeton has a reputation for being wealthier than the other seven.
Q: How many Princeton students does it take to screw in a lightblub?
A: I don't know, let me call my maid.
Note: Princeton has a reputation for being wealthier than the other seven.
Q: How many Indiana University "notes" users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them, since changing light bulbs is the only kind of job they can get after they graduate.
Note: Not meant to offend students at the Indiana University.
Q: How many Indiana University "notes" users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Have you ever wondered why it's so dark in Bloomington?
Q: How many Japanese industrialists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three--one to make sure the new bulb is not foreign, one to change the bulb, and one to look into the export potential of the old bulb.
Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, They don't make Pampers small enough.
Q: How many tight wads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to complain that even after all these technical advances, a lightbulb still only lasts 1000 hours.
Q: How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four--One to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
joke collection 89
Q: How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, bankers don't change light bulbs.
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Haig) One. Snap to it, soldier!
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Bush) None. (Bush in an earnest lap dog voice) I resent that question. I've answered it before, and I think the media are keeping this thing alive. I think the American people are tired of light bulb jokes.
Q: How many Douglas Wilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, he can't decide if he is going to screw a lightbulb in or not!
Q: How many Chuck Robbs does it to take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, Douglas Wilder broke his lamp and Oliver North sold his lightbulb to Iran.
Q: How many senators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a quorum.
Q: How many Dan Quayles does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it has to be a pretty dim bulb.
Q: How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, at least until we get some corroborating witnesses.
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A: None, bankers don't change light bulbs.
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Haig) One. Snap to it, soldier!
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Bush) None. (Bush in an earnest lap dog voice) I resent that question. I've answered it before, and I think the media are keeping this thing alive. I think the American people are tired of light bulb jokes.
Q: How many Douglas Wilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, he can't decide if he is going to screw a lightbulb in or not!
Q: How many Chuck Robbs does it to take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, Douglas Wilder broke his lamp and Oliver North sold his lightbulb to Iran.
Q: How many senators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a quorum.
Q: How many Dan Quayles does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it has to be a pretty dim bulb.
Q: How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, at least until we get some corroborating witnesses.
joke collection 104
Q: How many members of the Impossible Missions Force does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress, I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist dictator and remove his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the dictator long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a hole down into the light fixture, remove the burned-out bulb, and replace it with a new super-high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie has driven up to the door in a laundry truck. Just before Rollin's real identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck, drive to the airfield, and return to the United States.
Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Zero. We have the housekeeping staff do it for us.
Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Please let us know!
Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That depends; what color is the bulb?
Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It all depends on whether they can read the manuals or not. That needs to be in there somewhere as a qualifier!
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A: Five: While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress, I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist dictator and remove his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the dictator long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a hole down into the light fixture, remove the burned-out bulb, and replace it with a new super-high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie has driven up to the door in a laundry truck. Just before Rollin's real identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck, drive to the airfield, and return to the United States.
Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Zero. We have the housekeeping staff do it for us.
Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Please let us know!
Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That depends; what color is the bulb?
Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It all depends on whether they can read the manuals or not. That needs to be in there somewhere as a qualifier!
joke collection 102
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this selfsame document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".
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A: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this selfsame document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".
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