joke collection 41
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it ?
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Define "lightbulb".
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to think deeply and come up with a real gem, such as "Well there you are, standing on a chair, changing a lightbulb. Here we see the difference between a cat and a dog. If you have a cat, it looks up at you, thinks 'What are you doing ?', and walks off. But if you have a dog, it's looking up at you and thinking 'Well, I dunno what you're doing, but I love you anyway.'
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The bulb isn't bright enough.
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The dim bulbs aren't "changed," they are humanely euthanized.
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 66. Eleven philosophers to ponder whether it is possible to actually do anything; ten semanticists to debate the various possible meanings of each phrase, word, and syllable; nine columnists to write about it from radically different viewpoints; eight letter writers to respond vehemently with opposing points of view; seven Quibblers who delight in pointing out others' mistakes (what is said is not as important as saying it correctly); six conservatives who believe things should stay the way they are; five liberals who believe that action should be taken immediately to form a committee to study possible actions; four ornery SOBs who disagree on principal with anything anyone else has suggested; three peacemakers who believe it's more important to work it out without showing any more emotions than necessary to get it done; two statisticians who maintain that numbers are more important than facts; and one pragmatist to ignore the bureaucratic piles of paperwork and replace the bad bulb with a good one. Whilst all this is going on, all the Mensans are keeping count in their heads just to make absolutely sure what it really does add up to 66.
Q: How many lexicographers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to protest that he should have changed it to "light bulb".
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A: Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it ?
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Define "lightbulb".
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to think deeply and come up with a real gem, such as "Well there you are, standing on a chair, changing a lightbulb. Here we see the difference between a cat and a dog. If you have a cat, it looks up at you, thinks 'What are you doing ?', and walks off. But if you have a dog, it's looking up at you and thinking 'Well, I dunno what you're doing, but I love you anyway.'
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The bulb isn't bright enough.
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The dim bulbs aren't "changed," they are humanely euthanized.
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 66. Eleven philosophers to ponder whether it is possible to actually do anything; ten semanticists to debate the various possible meanings of each phrase, word, and syllable; nine columnists to write about it from radically different viewpoints; eight letter writers to respond vehemently with opposing points of view; seven Quibblers who delight in pointing out others' mistakes (what is said is not as important as saying it correctly); six conservatives who believe things should stay the way they are; five liberals who believe that action should be taken immediately to form a committee to study possible actions; four ornery SOBs who disagree on principal with anything anyone else has suggested; three peacemakers who believe it's more important to work it out without showing any more emotions than necessary to get it done; two statisticians who maintain that numbers are more important than facts; and one pragmatist to ignore the bureaucratic piles of paperwork and replace the bad bulb with a good one. Whilst all this is going on, all the Mensans are keeping count in their heads just to make absolutely sure what it really does add up to 66.
Q: How many lexicographers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to protest that he should have changed it to "light bulb".
joke collection 60
Q: How many blues musicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to go to Chicago because there might be a lightbulb there and the other to play harp.
Q: How many blues musicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. One to screw in the lightbulb, and four to play sad, blue songs about the old, wornout lightbulb.
Q: How many CD player users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the old bulb keeps getting stustustustustustustustustustuck
Q: How many LP player users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the old bulb keeps getting stuck... getting stuck... getting stuck...
Q: How many comp.sys.intel readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 0.999999875
Q: How many Macintosh engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None - it has to be done by a local authorized dealer.
Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it costs $4000 and you have to replace the motherboard.
Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to ask the socket to eject the old bulb, and one to insert the new one.
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A: Two. One to go to Chicago because there might be a lightbulb there and the other to play harp.
Q: How many blues musicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. One to screw in the lightbulb, and four to play sad, blue songs about the old, wornout lightbulb.
Q: How many CD player users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the old bulb keeps getting stustustustustustustustustustuck
Q: How many LP player users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the old bulb keeps getting stuck... getting stuck... getting stuck...
Q: How many comp.sys.intel readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 0.999999875
Q: How many Macintosh engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None - it has to be done by a local authorized dealer.
Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it costs $4000 and you have to replace the motherboard.
Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to ask the socket to eject the old bulb, and one to insert the new one.
joke collection 81
Q: How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One hundred - One to screw it in and 99 to hold the house hostage.
Q: How many Ayatollahs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None-there weren't any light bulbs in the 13th century.
Q: How many Timothy McVeigh's does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but first you have to strip the insulation off of the electrical cord, wrap it around his legs a couple of times, then plug it in. If Mr. McVeigh is holding the light bulb at this time, it should glow quite nicely.
Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty - one to do it and nineteen to develop a distraction.
Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to change the bulb, and 5 to take the credit when it explodes.
Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: one to stage a suicide attack on the bulb and another to claim responsibility in phone call to the news media.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two--one to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
Q: How many members of the P.L.O. does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 45 - One to drive the car, four to shoot the president of Sylvania's bodyguards, three to kidnap the president of Sylvania, five to think up the ransom demands, ten to paste up the ransom note, eight to cut little eye-holes in the cloth sacks, one to drive a truck with 2000 kilos of dynamite into the American embassy, one to claim responsibility for the bombing, and twelve to commandeer a building with working lights.
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A: One hundred - One to screw it in and 99 to hold the house hostage.
Q: How many Ayatollahs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None-there weren't any light bulbs in the 13th century.
Q: How many Timothy McVeigh's does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but first you have to strip the insulation off of the electrical cord, wrap it around his legs a couple of times, then plug it in. If Mr. McVeigh is holding the light bulb at this time, it should glow quite nicely.
Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty - one to do it and nineteen to develop a distraction.
Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to change the bulb, and 5 to take the credit when it explodes.
Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: one to stage a suicide attack on the bulb and another to claim responsibility in phone call to the news media.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two--one to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
Q: How many members of the P.L.O. does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 45 - One to drive the car, four to shoot the president of Sylvania's bodyguards, three to kidnap the president of Sylvania, five to think up the ransom demands, ten to paste up the ransom note, eight to cut little eye-holes in the cloth sacks, one to drive a truck with 2000 kilos of dynamite into the American embassy, one to claim responsibility for the bombing, and twelve to commandeer a building with working lights.
joke collection 84
Q: How many Apple programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but why bother ? Your light socket will just be obsolete in six months anyway.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It burned out? You must be using a non-standard socket.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They just write it up as a new and useful feature.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One--but Bill Gates must inspect every single bulb and socket before the operation is started.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
Q: How many safety inspectors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it and three to hold the ladder.
Q: How many civil servants does it take to change the light bulb?
A: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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A: Only one, but why bother ? Your light socket will just be obsolete in six months anyway.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It burned out? You must be using a non-standard socket.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They just write it up as a new and useful feature.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One--but Bill Gates must inspect every single bulb and socket before the operation is started.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
Q: How many safety inspectors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it and three to hold the ladder.
Q: How many civil servants does it take to change the light bulb?
A: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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