joke collection 51
Q: How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. "I don't do lights. That's the light crew's job."
Q: How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One: Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.
Q: How many alt.music.pink-floyd readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 51. One to screw in the bulb, one to notice some small detail of the bulb-screwing and tie it into the Publius Enigma, 15 more to expand on his point, 12 to flame him, 10 to argue that you're not really screwing in a light bulb, that only Roger Waters can screw in a light bulb, 8 more to say that Dave Gilmour can screw in a light bulb better than Roger ever could, two to say that the best way to screw in a bulb is if Dave and Roger do it together, one to say that Syd Barrett is actually the best bulb-screwer, and of course one newbie to ask what Publius is, who will be subsequently referred to the FAQ, which he will then ask where to find.
Q: How many Limbaugh-heads does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The number is irrelevant; they just stand around muttering "ditto". And they don't do anything in the first place.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to get out a copy of The Ethical Consumer (or similar) and discover to his/her horror that the manufacturer (Thorn Lighting) is part of Thorn EMI who are involved in, errrr, I dunno, testing software on mainframes or making farms for 3rd world potaters or something.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Dozens and dozens to go round selling raffle tickets so they can afford to buy the new one.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two, one to change it and one to phone round and cancel the party they were going to have to celebrate the old one burning brightly for 50 years.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are all too busy on much more important projects, like organizing each other's lifts to the veggie restaurant meal.
 |
|
|
|
|
 | ||||
A: None. "I don't do lights. That's the light crew's job."
Q: How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One: Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.
Q: How many alt.music.pink-floyd readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 51. One to screw in the bulb, one to notice some small detail of the bulb-screwing and tie it into the Publius Enigma, 15 more to expand on his point, 12 to flame him, 10 to argue that you're not really screwing in a light bulb, that only Roger Waters can screw in a light bulb, 8 more to say that Dave Gilmour can screw in a light bulb better than Roger ever could, two to say that the best way to screw in a bulb is if Dave and Roger do it together, one to say that Syd Barrett is actually the best bulb-screwer, and of course one newbie to ask what Publius is, who will be subsequently referred to the FAQ, which he will then ask where to find.
Q: How many Limbaugh-heads does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The number is irrelevant; they just stand around muttering "ditto". And they don't do anything in the first place.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to get out a copy of The Ethical Consumer (or similar) and discover to his/her horror that the manufacturer (Thorn Lighting) is part of Thorn EMI who are involved in, errrr, I dunno, testing software on mainframes or making farms for 3rd world potaters or something.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Dozens and dozens to go round selling raffle tickets so they can afford to buy the new one.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two, one to change it and one to phone round and cancel the party they were going to have to celebrate the old one burning brightly for 50 years.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are all too busy on much more important projects, like organizing each other's lifts to the veggie restaurant meal.
joke collection 52
Q: How many people at a London Vegans meeting does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: All thirty. Well, actually it's only one, but he has to wait at least half an hour while the others read out all the announcements.
Q: How many macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to make the coffee, one to get the cigarettes, and one to ask Michio Kushi for instructions.
Q: How many old macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. One to change it, three to hold the ladder, and one to call the ambulance.
Q: How many young macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They all sit in a circle, watching the old macrobiotics, and think beautiful thoughts.
Q: How many holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just deny the bulb ever went out in the first place.
Q: How many Ethiopians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to squabble over who gets to eat the packaging.
Q: How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know. I forgot my calculator at home.
Q: How many university students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to fuse all the electrics while doing something silly, and one to phone the landlord to ask for the lightbulb to be changed.
|
|
|
|
|
| ||||
A: All thirty. Well, actually it's only one, but he has to wait at least half an hour while the others read out all the announcements.
Q: How many macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to make the coffee, one to get the cigarettes, and one to ask Michio Kushi for instructions.
Q: How many old macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. One to change it, three to hold the ladder, and one to call the ambulance.
Q: How many young macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They all sit in a circle, watching the old macrobiotics, and think beautiful thoughts.
Q: How many holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just deny the bulb ever went out in the first place.
Q: How many Ethiopians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to squabble over who gets to eat the packaging.
Q: How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know. I forgot my calculator at home.
Q: How many university students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to fuse all the electrics while doing something silly, and one to phone the landlord to ask for the lightbulb to be changed.
joke collection 58
Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter. Nobody will notice anyway.
Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but the guitarist has to show him first
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to light a candle and say it's just as good as electric light.
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: "I've got a candle that looks just like it."
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Lightbulbs? C'mon, I got sunlight, fluorescent, candles-anything you want.
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "Oh, just one. But this bulb won't do. You want to use a 3-way bulb, but if you can afford it, I hear that next month GE will be coming out .... "
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but if you wait until next month, Yamaha will have a new model bulb out which is much better.
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw in the bulb, and one to patch it into the Korg.
|
|
|
|
|
| ||||
A: It doesn't matter. Nobody will notice anyway.
Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but the guitarist has to show him first
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to light a candle and say it's just as good as electric light.
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: "I've got a candle that looks just like it."
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Lightbulbs? C'mon, I got sunlight, fluorescent, candles-anything you want.
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "Oh, just one. But this bulb won't do. You want to use a 3-way bulb, but if you can afford it, I hear that next month GE will be coming out .... "
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but if you wait until next month, Yamaha will have a new model bulb out which is much better.
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw in the bulb, and one to patch it into the Korg.
joke collection 59
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, but only after asking "Why?"
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They have a machine that does that now.
Q: How many bluegrass musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: Two - one to screw it in and one to complain that it is electrified.
Q: How many bluegrass musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: Three, one to do it and two to argue about whether that was the way Bill Monroe would have done it.
Q: How many bluegrass musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter because the banjo player is gonna' change it again anyway after everybody else is done.
Q: How many bluegrass musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: They don't. They only use acoustic light bulbs.
|
|
|
|
|
| ||||
A: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, but only after asking "Why?"
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They have a machine that does that now.
Q: How many bluegrass musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: Two - one to screw it in and one to complain that it is electrified.
Q: How many bluegrass musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: Three, one to do it and two to argue about whether that was the way Bill Monroe would have done it.
Q: How many bluegrass musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter because the banjo player is gonna' change it again anyway after everybody else is done.
Q: How many bluegrass musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: They don't. They only use acoustic light bulbs.
Page 19 of 27 «« Previous | Next »»