business jokes jokes

Clovis' Consideration of an Atmospheric Anomaly: The perversity of nature is nowhere better demonstrated than by the fact that, when exposed to the same atmosphere, bread becomes hard while crackers become soft.

Cohn's Law: The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.

Colvard's Logical Premises: All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.

Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary: This is especially true when dealing with someone you're attracted to.

Conway's Law: In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what's going on; this person must be fired. Corollaries: 1. Nobody whom you ask for help will see it. 2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don't want to hear, will see it immediately.

Cooke's Law: In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.

Correspondence Corollary: An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half of your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.

Hugh Downs' Four Rules for Investigating the Universe: Rule 1 - When confronted with an apparent infinite or infinitely repeating pattern, expect some variant that keeps it from being infinite. Rule 2 - When all investigation supports Rule 1, look for a situation which violates it. Rule 3 - Be prepared for an infinite oscillation between Rules 1 and 2. Rule 4 - Apply Rule 1.

Drew's Law of Highway Biology: The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Ducharme's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

Ducharme's Precept: Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Emersons' Law of Contrariness: Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.

Estridge's Law: No matter how large and standardized the marketplace is, IBM can redefine it.

Fett's Law: Never replicate a successful experiment.

Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.

Hubbard's Law: Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive.

Hurewitz's Memory Principle: The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to...to... uh...

IBM Project Management Axiom: Need for project modifications increases proportionally to project completion.

Instruction Booklet Governing Principle: Instruction booklets are lost by the Goods Delivery Service. If not, they are listed in four languages: Japanese, Thai, Swahili, and Mongol.

Jenkinson's Law: It won't work.

Johnson-Laird's Law: Toothache tends to start on Saturday night.

"The fees for withdrawing money from your ATM machines are expected to double, even triple. You're gonna pay two to three as much to withdraw your money so basically the ATM machines have become full service. Instead of getting robbed at the ATM machine the ATM machine robs you. You eliminate the middle man." - Jay Leno