funny insults jokes

For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours.

You are the only person I've ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time!

You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth!

I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office.

I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes!

You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.

You started at the bottom -- and it's been downhill ever since.

You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.

I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.

I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork.

I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.

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Slow out of the gate.

Smarter than the average bear.

Smoke doesn't make it to the top of his chimney.

So boring, his dreams have Muzak.

So dim, his psychic carries a flashlight.

So dumb, blondes tell jokes about him.

So dumb, he faxes face up.

So dumb, his dog teaches him tricks.

So far gone, hard drugs push him closer to normal.

So fat, people jump over him rather than go around.

So slow, he has to speed up to stop.

So slow, we drive stakes in the ground to measure his progress.

So stupid, he tries to drown fish.

So stupid, mind readers charge her half price.

So ugly, robbers give him their masks to wear.

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.

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Doesn't have his belt through all the loops.

Doesn't have sixteen annas to the rupee.

Doesn't have the brain power to toast a crouton.

Doesn't have the sense God gave an animal cracker.

Doesn't have two neurons to rub together.

Doesn't just know nothing; doesn't even suspect much.

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. -- Billing

Doesn't know which side the toast is buttered on.

Doesn't put the cross-hairs on the target.

Doesn't quite sample at the Nyquist rate.

Doesn't suffer from ear pressure when flying at altitude.

Donated her body to scientists... Before she was done using it.

Downhill skiing in Iowa.

Driveway doesn't quite reach the garage.

Driving at night with the lights off.

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.

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She wears a pony tail to cover up the valve stem.

She worries about the calories licking stamps and envelopes.

She's a screensaver: Looks good, but useless.

Short a few cards.

Short-circuited between the earphones.

Should be the poster child for family planning.

Should have kept his helmet on while riding / playing.

Single-sided, low density.

Sitting in the right pew, but the wrong church.

Skating on the wrong side of the ice.

Skylight leaks a little.

Slept too close to his radium-dial watch.

Slinky's kinked.

Sloppy as a soup sandwich.

Slow as molasses in January.