joke collection 103
Q: How many Artificial Intelligence (AI) people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: At least 55: The problem space group (5) [One to define the goal state, One to define the operators, One to describe the universal problem solver, One to hack the production system, One to indicate about how it is a model of human lightbulb changing behaviour], The logical formalism group (16): [One to figure out how to describe lightbulb changing in first order logic, One to figure out how to describe lightbulb changing in second order logic, One to show the adequacy of FOL, One to show the inadequacy of FOL, One to show that lightbulb logic is non-monotonic, One to show that it isn't non-monotonic, One to show how non-monotonic logic is incorporated in FOL, One to determine the bindings for the variables, One to show the completeness of the solution, One to show the consistency of the solution, One to show that the two just above are incoherent, One to hack a theorem prover for lightbulb resolution, One to suggest a parallel theory of lightbulb logic theorem proving, One to show that the parallel theory isn't complete. ...ad infinitum (or absurdum, as you will). ... One to indicate how it is a description of human lightbulb changing behaviour, One to call the electrician], The robotics group (10): [One to build a vision system to recognize the dead bulb, One to build a vision system to locate a new bulb, One to figure out how to grasp the lightbulb without breaking it, One to figure out how to make a universal joint that will permit the hand to rotate 360+ degrees, One to figure out how to make the universal joint go the other way, One to figure out the arm solutions that will get the arm to the socket, One to organize the construction teams, One to hack the planning system, One to get Westinghouse to sponsor the research, One to indicate about how the robot mimics human motor behaviour in lightbulb changing], The knowledge engineering group (6): [One to study electricians' changing lightbulbs, One to arrange for the purchase of the lisp machines, One to assure the customer that this is a hard problem and that great accomplishments in theory will come from his support of this effort (The same one can arrange for the fleecing.), One to study related research, One to indicate about how it is a description of human lightbulb changing behaviour, One to call the lisp hackers], The Lisp hackers (13): [One to bring up the chaos net, One to adjust the microcode to properly reflect the group's political beliefs, One to fix the compiler, One to make incompatible changes to the primitives, One to provide the Coke, One to rehack the Lisp editor/debugger, One to rehack the window package, Another to fix the compiler, One to convert code to the non-upward compatible Lisp dialect, Another to rehack the window package properly, One to flame on BUG-LISPM, Another to fix the microcode, One to write the fifteen lines of code required to change the lightbulb], The Psychological group (5): [One to build an apparatus which will time lightbulb changing performance, One to gather and run subjects, One to mathematically model the behaviour, One to call the expert systems group, One to adjust the resulting system, so that it drops the right number of bulbs.
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A: At least 55: The problem space group (5) [One to define the goal state, One to define the operators, One to describe the universal problem solver, One to hack the production system, One to indicate about how it is a model of human lightbulb changing behaviour], The logical formalism group (16): [One to figure out how to describe lightbulb changing in first order logic, One to figure out how to describe lightbulb changing in second order logic, One to show the adequacy of FOL, One to show the inadequacy of FOL, One to show that lightbulb logic is non-monotonic, One to show that it isn't non-monotonic, One to show how non-monotonic logic is incorporated in FOL, One to determine the bindings for the variables, One to show the completeness of the solution, One to show the consistency of the solution, One to show that the two just above are incoherent, One to hack a theorem prover for lightbulb resolution, One to suggest a parallel theory of lightbulb logic theorem proving, One to show that the parallel theory isn't complete. ...ad infinitum (or absurdum, as you will). ... One to indicate how it is a description of human lightbulb changing behaviour, One to call the electrician], The robotics group (10): [One to build a vision system to recognize the dead bulb, One to build a vision system to locate a new bulb, One to figure out how to grasp the lightbulb without breaking it, One to figure out how to make a universal joint that will permit the hand to rotate 360+ degrees, One to figure out how to make the universal joint go the other way, One to figure out the arm solutions that will get the arm to the socket, One to organize the construction teams, One to hack the planning system, One to get Westinghouse to sponsor the research, One to indicate about how the robot mimics human motor behaviour in lightbulb changing], The knowledge engineering group (6): [One to study electricians' changing lightbulbs, One to arrange for the purchase of the lisp machines, One to assure the customer that this is a hard problem and that great accomplishments in theory will come from his support of this effort (The same one can arrange for the fleecing.), One to study related research, One to indicate about how it is a description of human lightbulb changing behaviour, One to call the lisp hackers], The Lisp hackers (13): [One to bring up the chaos net, One to adjust the microcode to properly reflect the group's political beliefs, One to fix the compiler, One to make incompatible changes to the primitives, One to provide the Coke, One to rehack the Lisp editor/debugger, One to rehack the window package, Another to fix the compiler, One to convert code to the non-upward compatible Lisp dialect, Another to rehack the window package properly, One to flame on BUG-LISPM, Another to fix the microcode, One to write the fifteen lines of code required to change the lightbulb], The Psychological group (5): [One to build an apparatus which will time lightbulb changing performance, One to gather and run subjects, One to mathematically model the behaviour, One to call the expert systems group, One to adjust the resulting system, so that it drops the right number of bulbs.
joke collection 14
Q: How many gardeners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to have a debate about whether this is the right time of year to be putting in lightbulbs or daffodil bulbs.
Q: How many gardeners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one. The new light bulbs are just as easy to change as the older, heavier ones.
Q: How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?
A: You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need.
Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six--one to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs.
Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw in all the bulbs he has until he finds one that fits, and the other to tell you he thinks he'll have to replace the whole socket.
Q: How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just *fine*.
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A: Three. One to change it and two to have a debate about whether this is the right time of year to be putting in lightbulbs or daffodil bulbs.
Q: How many gardeners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one. The new light bulbs are just as easy to change as the older, heavier ones.
Q: How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?
A: You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need.
Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six--one to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs.
Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw in all the bulbs he has until he finds one that fits, and the other to tell you he thinks he'll have to replace the whole socket.
Q: How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just *fine*.
joke collection 19
Q: How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Nine. One to complain about the lighting levels, one to say he thinks the lighting is OK, one to suggest someone calls the arbiter, one to go and call the arbiter, one to reminisce about lighting levels at the 1947 tournament at Hastings, one to complain about the disturbance the others are causing, both arbiters, and one to say he thought the lighting was better before they changed the lightbulb.
Q: How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Here is the current state of research... You need one to complain about the lighting. A second will say he thinks the light is fine. A third suggests the tournament director be called, and number four fetches him. An aged player (5) reminisces about the lighting levels at Nottingham 1936. The director (6) can't be found, but his deputy (7) arrives. Player eight says that if they increase the lighting levels it will reflect into his eyes. Number nine says they should have fluorescent lighting. Player ten says it's just a question of replacing the dead lightbulb, but player 11 thinks the bulb hasn't been working properly since the tournament began. The deputy arbiter asks an assistant arbiter (12) to make up a sign : 'Bulb defective.' A democrat (13) suggests taking a vote on whether to change the bulb and a businessman (14) forms the lightbulb changing association (LCA) as a pressure group to argue for better lighting. The world champion (15) is elected chairman. The FIDE president (16) sets up a working party (17-20) to establish agreed lighting levels with the LCA. The LCA chairman then has a row with its other members about direct/indirect lighting, and storms off with his lawyer (21) to found the Association for Changing Lightbulbs (ACL). The challenger for the world title (22) suddenly says he will not play under FIDE lighting. Three sponsors (23-25) emerge to hold the FIDE (direct light), LCA (fluorescent) and ACL (reflected light) championships, but none can match the interest attracted by Fischer (26) playing Spassky (27) with the new Fischer lightbulb, whose incandescence increases the longer you think. The last sane player on earth (28) sneaks into the playing room to change the defective bulb, but his replacement has the wrong fitting. His scream of anguish reveals him, and he is expelled from world chess for creating a disturbance.
Note: Refers to the way chess tournaments work and also very topical to a lot of recent chess politics. Credit William Hartston in YOU magazine.
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A: Nine. One to complain about the lighting levels, one to say he thinks the lighting is OK, one to suggest someone calls the arbiter, one to go and call the arbiter, one to reminisce about lighting levels at the 1947 tournament at Hastings, one to complain about the disturbance the others are causing, both arbiters, and one to say he thought the lighting was better before they changed the lightbulb.
Q: How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Here is the current state of research... You need one to complain about the lighting. A second will say he thinks the light is fine. A third suggests the tournament director be called, and number four fetches him. An aged player (5) reminisces about the lighting levels at Nottingham 1936. The director (6) can't be found, but his deputy (7) arrives. Player eight says that if they increase the lighting levels it will reflect into his eyes. Number nine says they should have fluorescent lighting. Player ten says it's just a question of replacing the dead lightbulb, but player 11 thinks the bulb hasn't been working properly since the tournament began. The deputy arbiter asks an assistant arbiter (12) to make up a sign : 'Bulb defective.' A democrat (13) suggests taking a vote on whether to change the bulb and a businessman (14) forms the lightbulb changing association (LCA) as a pressure group to argue for better lighting. The world champion (15) is elected chairman. The FIDE president (16) sets up a working party (17-20) to establish agreed lighting levels with the LCA. The LCA chairman then has a row with its other members about direct/indirect lighting, and storms off with his lawyer (21) to found the Association for Changing Lightbulbs (ACL). The challenger for the world title (22) suddenly says he will not play under FIDE lighting. Three sponsors (23-25) emerge to hold the FIDE (direct light), LCA (fluorescent) and ACL (reflected light) championships, but none can match the interest attracted by Fischer (26) playing Spassky (27) with the new Fischer lightbulb, whose incandescence increases the longer you think. The last sane player on earth (28) sneaks into the playing room to change the defective bulb, but his replacement has the wrong fitting. His scream of anguish reveals him, and he is expelled from world chess for creating a disturbance.
Note: Refers to the way chess tournaments work and also very topical to a lot of recent chess politics. Credit William Hartston in YOU magazine.
joke collection 46
Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One if at home, but on school time, four.
Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: On the space shuttle, 1,000,001. One to screw it in and a million to pick up the pieces.
Q: How many Ph.D thesis supervisors (advisors) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one; but every time they see a lightbulb they have an irresistible urge to change it!
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but once we get tenure, we don't change anymore.
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
Q: How many law professors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Q: How many Stanford researchers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to hold the ladder, one to turn the bulb, and one to bill the government for the house.
Q: How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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A: One if at home, but on school time, four.
Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: On the space shuttle, 1,000,001. One to screw it in and a million to pick up the pieces.
Q: How many Ph.D thesis supervisors (advisors) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one; but every time they see a lightbulb they have an irresistible urge to change it!
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but once we get tenure, we don't change anymore.
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
Q: How many law professors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Q: How many Stanford researchers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to hold the ladder, one to turn the bulb, and one to bill the government for the house.
Q: How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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