funny insults jokes

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.

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Ugly as a warthog and half as smart.

Unclear which of Newton's three laws of motion keeps his ears apart.

Understands English as well as any parrot.

Used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Useful as a chocolate teapot.

Useful as a football bat.

Useful as a hip pocket on a T-shirt.

Useful as a kickstand on a horse.

Useful as a mint-flavored suppository.

Useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

Useful as dinosaur repellent.

Useful as tits on a bullfrog / bull / boar-hog.

Uses all three functional neurons for his best work.

Uses his head best for rolling Easter eggs.

Uses his head to keep the rain out of his neck.

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.

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Watches "Beavis and Butthead" to learn vocabulary.

Watching programs not listed in TV Guide.

We're all missing cards from our decks -- and different cards, too.

Went in for repairs but wasn't tightened with a torque wrench.

Went to the dentist to have his cranial cavity filled.

When he was compiled they forgot to #include [smarts.h]/[iq.h]/[charm.h].

When they handed out brains he got the short end of the stick.

When they said "drain", he thought they said "brain".

Whole lotta choppin', but no chips a flyin'.

Wise as the world is flat.

With one more neuron he'd have a synapse.

Won't eat eggs because he believes the "This is your brain" ads.

Would make an excellent illustration in a proctology textbook.

Wouldn't make any sense if she ever made sense.

Zero K memory

You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant.

You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough.

If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.

I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you.

You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.

You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet!!

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure.

You've never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to.

At your speed, you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium.

If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny.

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull?

If you were a swine, you would be what you are now!

You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early.

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

You're nobody's fool. Let's see if we can get someone to adopt you.

They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did?

You're very smart. You have brains you never used.

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.

Eventually, you will get what you asked for.

Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick?

You are so dishonest that I can't even be sure that what you tell me are lies!

You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face!

You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!!