funny insults jokes

I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly.

I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs.

Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious!

You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick.

You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.

All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it's hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you.

Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.

I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. It's for people who are dead from the neck up.

After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us.

You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist.

I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it!

Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?

I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?

You have an inferiority complex -- and it's fully justified.

You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse!

Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

Whom am I calling "stupid"? I don't know. What's your name?

Take a vacation; go to Club Dead.

Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.

You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.

You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime.

You grow on people -- like a wart!

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.

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An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

An XT clone in a Pentium zone.

Another engineering prototype that should not have been shipped.

Answers the door when the phone rings.

Any slower and he'd be in reverse. -- Gignac

As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot.

As bent as a corkscrew.

As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb.

As happy as if he had brains.

As happy as the village idiot.

As much use as a back pocket in a vest. (Very English.)

As much use as a lead parachute.

As quick as a corpse.

As rare as a nine bob note. (Very English.)

As sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beachball / pin head / wet sponge / bowl of Jello / mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart.

We know that you would give your life for us. Promise!

When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say it was your stupidity.

Well, I'll see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much.

Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach.

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.

I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.

You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, you'll do.

If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldn't say hello, I'd say boo!

I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.

Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too.

I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly.