Anti Joke jokes

To have hot sex with the perverted farmer.

Be brave -- ask US for more money.

Salt and pepper beard more.

Apply for US citizenship.

Lose weight -- no more delicious McDonald's cultural hegemony!

Bad-mouth US in front of Middle Eastern diplomats more.

Daily affirmation: "I am not the tool of the world's sole superpower!"

Make the UN more bureaucratish.

Write resolution to write more resolutions condemning the rogue state of Luxembourg.

Talk to US President more in broader terms - "African People Hungry," "Arabs Hate You," "Germany no likee war. Now." Perhaps speak slower.

Finally count out Third World dues change jar.

Resolve to cut the word "Secretary" from title. "General Annan" catchier.

Change name of UN Security Council to either "THE STAR CHAMBER", or "THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMAN", or "THE GUNS AND MISSILES CLUB".

Switch lame blue helmets of peacekeeping forces to ninja masks.

Make sure diplomatic immunity applies to downloading illegal nude photos of that smoking broad Condi.

Do charter bi-lines allow the UN to stockpile Weapons of Mass Destruction of their own? Could be help when negotiating with uppity Western Nations. Look into it this year. FOR REAL THIS TIME!!!!

There was this man who really had to go to the bathroom. He went to the nearest house, which happened to be the home of a monk and asked, 'Can I please use the bathroom?' The monk told him he could, so he went in. When he was in the bathroom he heard this clink, clink, clink. When he was finished he went to the monk and asked, 'What was that noise I heard in the bathroom?' The monk said, 'I can't tell you, you're not a monk. You have to go to Italy for two years.'

So the man went to Italy for two years and then came back and asked the monk again what the noise was. The monk said, 'I can't tell you, you're not a high monk. You have to go to Italy for three years.' So the man went, came back and then asked the monk again what the noise was. Again the monk said, 'I can't tell you, you're not a king monk. You have to go to Italy for four years.' So the man went, came back and once more asked the monk.

And the monk said, "The pipes bang sometimes. Aren't I a passive aggressive sadist for not just telling you that in the first place? And aren't you a sorry-assed sucker for jumping through my retarded hoops?"

What's funnier than a zombie baby?

A zombie baby in a clown suit.