Anti Joke jokes

Yo mama so dumb, when she threw a rock at the ground she missed.

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two, but no one knows how they got in there.

Knock, Knock

Whos there?

Highway.

Highway who?

Highway 95 pounds!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sorry, wrong door.
Okay.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Federal Express
Federal Express who?
I don't know. I just deliver packages.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Tom.
Tom who?
Tom Buchanan.
Hi Tom.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Pizza delivery guy.
Pizza delivery guy who?
You ordered a pizza?
Yes.
I'm the guy delivering it.
Great.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Susan.
Susan who?
Susan Caldwell.
I'll be right out, Susan.

Knock, knock
Who's there.
You might be a redneck if… you think tobacco is a vegetable.
You might be a redneck if… you think tobacco is a vegetable who?
I thought this was a redneck joke.
Nope. It's a knock, knock joke.
Oops.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who
Don't get so upset, crybaby!
What?
Ha! Ha! I made you say "boo-hoo"
You're a real idiot.
That wasn't necessary.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Creeping penis.
Creeping penis who?
I'm not crazy, I just need to get off this island. The doctors don't believe I invented the chocolate éclair. But I did. I'm going to burn them all and drink soup from their skulls! Happy soup! Untie me and I'll kill you last!

Knock, knock
Yo mama
Yo mama who?
Yo mama so fat, she caught a flesh-eating virus and that was three years ago.
I bet you're fat, huh?
I'm…
You are, aren't you? Fat!
I'm plumpish.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
FBI!
…
…
Hello? FBI! Let us in!
…
…nobody here…
Oh. Let's go boys!
(Phew!)

Knock, knock
Who's there?
There's a dead old woman in your driveway.
There's a dead old woman in your driveway who?
No. Seriously. There's a dead old woman in your driveway.
Actually, that's just my piss-drunk bar slut of a grandmother. She sells toothless mouth love for "mind eraser" shooters at the Tyson's Mall TGIFriday's. Let the whore sleep it off.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Henry.
Henry who?
Henry Kissinger. Did you know that power is the ultimate aphrodisiac?
I'm not opening the door Henry.
Damn.

Knock, knock
Tremble mortal and despair – it is I, THE ANGEL OF DEATH!
Tremble mortal and despair – it is I, THE ANGEL OF DEATH who?
Actually, I'm here for Jones in #D1 but I need to take a monster crap and I hate to kill and THEN use the bathroom, you know? Its rude and the other way around, well it ruins my dramatic entrance. So…
You want to use my toilet?
Yeah?
Go right ahead.
Got anything to read?
Just the crossword.
You finished it.
Sorry?
Hold my scythe.
Hey! Don't forget to light a match.