College jokes

10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents, principals, police, and authority figures.
9. Is overly enthusiastic about 'Dungeons and Dragons' and other role playing games.
8. Very familiar with megahertz, wears glasses and, can quote scripture.
7. Frequently speaks of martial arts, but still gets beaten up.
6. Says 'Whom' instead of 'Who.'
5. Is pleased when disruptive individuals are sent to the office, so that they can continue with their learning.
4. Prefers NPR to any music.
3. Gets upset when there is a test or quiz that he did not know about.
2. Rooted for Deep-Blue in the famous chess game.
1. Must be pulled off bridge when not accepted at the college of his choice.

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

A: BMW's have the pricks on the inside.

OBJECTIVE
To disengage said bra without looking like an idiot.

WHAT YOU NEED
1) Girl with bra
2) Two functional hands
3) Common Sense

TECHNIQUES
1) THE HOUDINI HUG -- Using sleight-of-hand, place arms around girl and unhook bra. Try to refrain from saying, "Ta-da!"
2) MCGYVER'S OFF-THE-SHOULDER SLIDE -- An alternative method to use after ten minutes of unsuccessful hugging.
3) HILTON'S LAST RESORT -- Beg like a dog and learn to absorb the harsh sound of wicked laughter.

DO NOT USE: scissors, blowtorch, pliers, wire strippers, cutlery, Black Magic, staple remover, chainsaw, brute strength, CB4, set of lock picks, or chisel and hammer.

WARNING: When removing a bra you should not say the following:
1) "I really want to thank you for this."
2) "Dammit! I thought they were bigger."
3) "Do you have any cereal?"

A visiting professor at the University of Montana is giving a seminar on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”

About 90 students raise their hands.

“Well that's a good start,” says the professor, “Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?”

About 40 students raise their hands.

“That's really good,” continues the professor, “I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”

15 students raise their hands.

“That's a great response,” remarks the impressed professor, “has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”

Three students raise their hands.

“That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” asks the professor.

One student in the back raises his hand.

The professor is astonished.

He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor asks, “Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost.”

The student replies, “Ghost?!?” Dang, I thought you said ‘goats.’