funny one liners jokes

Jokes » funny one liners » humor 33

funny one liners


business one-liners 22
 
 
Don't bite the hand that has your paycheck in it.

Don't blame me; nobody asked my opinion.

Don't do today that which can be put off till tomorrow.

Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.

Don't get lost in the shuffle, shuffle along with the lost.

Don't lend people money...it gives them amnesia.

Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash. - Bo Diddley

Don't look back, something may be gaining on you.

Don't make your doctor your heir.

Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!

Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost.

business one-liners 05
 
 
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.

A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to put in his mouth.

A penny saved has not been spent.

A penny saved is an economic breakthrough.

A penny saved is ridiculous.

A problem cannot be solved using the same level of thinking that created it. (In other words, if you screw it up, you can't fix it.)

A real person has two reasons for doing anything...a good reason and the real reason.

A short cut is the longest distance between two points.

A short line outside a building becomes a long line inside.

business one-liners 52
 
 
Berra's Law: You can observe a lot just by watching. - Yogi Berra

Bierman's Laws of Contracts: (1) In any given document, you can't cover all the "what if's". (2) Lawyers stay in business resolving all the unresolved "what if's". (3) Every resolved "what if" creates two unresolved "what if's".

Billing's Law: Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. - Josh Billings

Billings Phenomenon: The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious. - Robert E. Machol (The name refers to a well-known Billings story in which a farmer becomes concerned that his black horses are eating more than his white horses. He does a detailed study of the situation and finds that he has more black horses than white horses, Machol points out.)

Bloom's Seventh Law of Litigation: The judge's jokes are always funny.

Blutarsky's Axiom: Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.

Bolton's Law Of Ascending Budgets: Under current practices, both expenditures and revenues rise to meet each other, no matter which one may be in excess. - Joe Bolton, Fellow of the RAND Graduate Institute

Bonafede's Revelation: The conventional wisdom is that power is an aphrodisiac. In truth, it's exhausting. - Dom Bonafede in a February, 1977 article in the Washington Post entitled "Surviving in Washington"

Boren's Laws Of The Bureaucracy: (1) When in doubt, mumble. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in charge, ponder. - James H. Boren, Founder, President and Chairperson of the Board of the International Association of Professional Bureaucrats [INATAPROBU]

business one-liners 27
 
 
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens.

Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.

Our present business is not to exchange compliments but arguments. - Robert Boyle, 17th century chemist

People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.

People do not change, they only become more so.

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

People specialize in their area of greatest weakness.

People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

People who are resistant to change cannot resist change for the worse.


Page 34 of 42     «« Previous | Next »»