funny one liners jokes

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Air Head Fired

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

Deer Kill 17,000

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

War Dims Hope for Peace

I'm in Champaign, I listen to the great music on Rock 107, and when out of town ... they mail it to me.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday."

"I own the erasers for all the miniature golf pencils"

I want to start a car repair shop. I have already got the air for the tires.

My grandma says she has eyes in the back of her head... I hope it's not hereditary.

When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers ... we haven't spoken since.

A wino asked me for change... I gave him my shirt.

I don't like dogs ... keep getting mustard on my catching glove.

My mom called me last night ... I'm over it now. I was thinking of calling her back ... there it passed...

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.

The longer the title the less important the job.

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but only after we're done with it.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not it's mineral rights.

The moment for calm and rational discussion is past; now is the time for senseless bickering.

The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.

The more directives you issue to solve a problem, the worse it gets.

The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher probability of its success.

The more things change, the more they stay insane.

The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do it in. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.

The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree.

The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.

The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets.

The most important item in an order will no longer be available.

The most interesting results happen only once.

The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way.

The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.

The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

The obscure a bureaucrat may see eventually; the completely apparent takes forever.