funny one liners jokes

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funny one liners


business one-liners 58
 
 
Given a bad start, trouble will increase at an exponential rate.

Glory may be fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Go where the money is.

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.

Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.

Good listeners are not only popular everywhere, but after awhile they know something.

Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.

Great minds run in great circles.

Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb at.

Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

news headlines 05
 
 
Steals Clock, Faces Time

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Include your Children when Baking Cookies

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

business one-liners 38
 
 
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

The elevator always comes after you have put down your bag.

The explanation of a disaster will be made by a stand-in.

The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

The first 90 percent of the task takes 90 percent of the time, the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.

The first myth of management is that it exists; the second myth of management is that success equals skill.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all of the parts.

business one-liners 36
 
 
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.

The business plan you prepare must be a lie; but it must be a detailed and precise lie rather than a vague and general lie.

The business world worships mediocrity. Officially, we revere free enterprise, initiative, and individuality. Unofficially, we fear it.

The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to...to...uhh...

The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

The chaos in the universe always increases.

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.


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