funny one liners jokes

The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket.

The deadline is one week after the original deadline.

The deficiency will never show itself during the test run.

The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.

The difference between a stepping stone and a stumbling block can be when you see it.

The difference between art and science is that if something works in art, you don't have to explain why.

The difficulty with a research grant is that if you solve the problem, you're out of a job.

The early bird who catches the worm usually works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

The early worm deserves the bird.

The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.

If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.

If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.

If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.

If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.

If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet.

If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.

If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break.

If you plan to leave your mark in the sands of time, you better wear work shoes.

If you put it off long enough, it might go away.

A day without sunshine is like night.

A disagreeable task is its own reward.

A donkey is a horse designed by a study team.

A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.

A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

A fool and his money stabilize the economy.

A free agent is anything but.

A friend in need is a pest indeed.

A geophysicist is not drunk as long as he can hang onto a single blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth.

Any change looks terrible at first.

Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of the most harm.

Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

Any good strategy will seem ridiculous by the time it is implemented. - Dogbert, in Scott Adams' "Build a Better Life by Stealing Office Supplies: Dogbert's Big Book of Business"

Any horizontal surface is soon piled up.

Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion.

Any issue worth debating is worth avoiding altogether.

Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.

Any line, however short, is still too long.