funny one liners jokes

If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a stupid fool.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not your sport.

If at first you don't succeed, transform your dataset.

If at first you don't succeed, try something else.

If at first you don't succeed, well...darn.

If at first you don't succeed, you probably didn't really care anyway.

If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn't succeed either.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

If at first you don't succeed, your successor will.

If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.

If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.

If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.

If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.

If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet.

If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.

If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break.

If you plan to leave your mark in the sands of time, you better wear work shoes.

If you put it off long enough, it might go away.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

Indifference is the only sure defense.

Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.

Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.

Information's pretty thin stuff, unless mixed with experience.

Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

Inside every small problem is a larger problem struggling to get out.

Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.

Interchangeable parts won't.

Is there life before coffee?

It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it isn't too good either if you speak when your head is empty.

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.

A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive. -- Bruce Friedman

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. -- Marvin Kitman

A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. -- Helen Rowland