funny one liners jokes

All I ask is the chance to prove that money cannot make me happy.

All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.

All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. - Walt Disney

All probabilities are really 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.

All the world is a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

All things being equal, all things are never equal.

All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.

Any minimum criteria set will be the maximum value used.

Any producing entity is the last to use its own product.

Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.

Any smoothly functioning technology is indistinguishable from a "rigged" demo.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday.

Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.

Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions.

Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.

Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.

Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.

Don't stop to stomp on ants when the elephants are stampeding.

Don't try to have the last word; you might get it.

Don't worry about the sand in the Vaseline, they don't use it anyway.

Due to recent budget cuts and downsizing, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.

Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.

Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy and wealthy and dead.

Easiest way to figure the cost of living: take your income and add ten percent.

Eat the rich. The poor are tough and stringy.

Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.

People who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made.

People who think they know everything upset those of us who do.

People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

People will buy anything that is one-to-a-customer.

People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.

Perfection is achieved only on the point of collapse.

Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects.

Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.