funny one liners jokes

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funny one liners


business one-liners 40
 
 
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.

The longer the title the less important the job.

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but only after we're done with it.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not it's mineral rights.

The moment for calm and rational discussion is past; now is the time for senseless bickering.

The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.

The more directives you issue to solve a problem, the worse it gets.

The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher probability of its success.

The more things change, the more they stay insane.

business one-liners 41
 
 
The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do it in. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.

The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree.

The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.

The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets.

The most important item in an order will no longer be available.

The most interesting results happen only once.

The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way.

The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.

The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

The obscure a bureaucrat may see eventually; the completely apparent takes forever.

business one-liners 49
 
 
Acheson's Rule Of The Bureaucracy: A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer. - Dean Acheson

Action's Law: Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Adler's Distinction: Language is all that separates us from the lower animals, and from the bureaucrats.

Advertising Rule: In writing a patent-medicine advertisement, first convince the reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly, that it is curable.

Air Force Inertia Axiom: Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.

Allen's Distinction: The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. - Woody Allen

Albrecht's Law: Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.

Alden's Laws: (1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of pregnancy. (2) Always be backlit. (3) Sit down whenever possible.

Andrea's Admonition: Never bestow profanity upon a driver who has wronged you. If you think his window is closed and he can't hear you, it isn't and he can.

Churchill's Commentary on Man: Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.

business one-liners 55
 
 
Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Excuses are like bodies; everybody has one!

Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.

Experience is something you do not get until just after you need it.

Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experiment and theory often show remarkable agreement when performed in the same laboratory.

Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.

Extremes meet.

Fact without theory is trivia; theory without fact is garbage.


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