Religion jokes

There were these three guys at a football game and it just so happened that they were sitting behind three nuns. They couldn't see really well over their habits, so one of the guys says, "Man, I wish I lived in Ohio, there are only 25 Catholics there."

One of the other guys says, "Well, I wish I lived in Idaho because there are only 20 Catholics there."

Then the last guy says, "Well, I wish I lived in Oregon there are only 15 Catholics there."

Then one of the nuns turns around and says, "Why don't you go to hell - there are no Catholics there!"

Father Murphy was a very poor priest in a very poor parish and he needed money. He bought a horse to enter in a local race, but the horse turned out to be a donkey. Still, Father Murphy took it as God's will and entered the donkey in the race anyway. The donkey came in third and the newspaper said, "FATHER MURPHY'S ASS SHOWS!"

Encouraged, Father Murphy entered the donkey in another race. The donkey came in first and the papers said, "FATHER MURPHY'S ASS UP FRONT!" He entered the animal in yet another race. This time it came in second and the papers read, "FATHER MURPHY'S ASS BACK IN PLACE!".

The archbishop heard of the priest's activities and decided the church didn't approve of gambling. He ordered Father Murphy to pull the donkey out of all future races. The papers announced, "ARCHBISHOP SCRATCHES FATHER MURPHY'S ASS!"

The Father gaves the donkey to one of the nuns, Sister Agatha and the papers said, "NUN OWNS BEST ASS IN TOWN!"But eventually Sister Agatha got tired of tending the donkey, and sold it to a children's home for only ten dollars. And the newspapers blared, "NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR $10!"

A man came in to heaven and God wanted to go on a vacation so he asked the man to take over while he was away. God told the man to give everyone a test before letting them into heaven. God leaves and a man comes floating up and says, 'Please let me in to heaven.'

The other man says, 'I have to give you a test first.'

The man coming into heaven says, 'Oh jeez I'm not too good at tests!'

The other man says, 'Spell LOVE' The man spells it, and he is let into heaven.

Then a woman comes floating up and says, 'Please let me into heaven,' and the man replies, 'Only if you pass this test.'

The woman says, 'Oh no, I'm not very good at tests.'

The man says, 'Your test is to spell LOVE.'

She spells it correctly, and is let into heaven.

The next person that comes floating up is the man's wife. She says, 'OK honey, let me in to heaven.'

The man says, 'I have to give everyone a test before I let them in to heaven.'

She says, 'OK, make it an easy one!!!'

Then the man says, 'Spell Hemorrhoid.'

Two hookers were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said, 'TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00.' A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that moment, another car passed with a sign saying, 'JESUS SAVES.' The hookers asked the cop why he let the other car go and he said, 'Well, that's a little different, it pertains to religion.' So the two ladies took their sign down and drove off.
The following day the same cop in the area noticed the two ladies driving aound with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read, 'TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00.'