Religion jokes

Stan and John are walking to school one day and Stan is describing his new Playstation 2 to John. "Where did you get that?" John asked "I got it last night for Hanukkah," said Stan. "What's Hanukkah?" John asked.

"It's the Jewish holiday where we get presents every night for eight nights to celebrate the festival of lights."

"Wow, I wish we got that!" John exclaimed. The next day on the way to school John runs up to Stan, curious to see what he got. He sees that Stan is upset, "What's wrong? Where's your present from last night?" asks John.

Stan holds up a ball of crumpled wrapping paper, "It was leftovers night."

After praying nonstop for eight years, God finally decided to grant a man three wishes.

"I wish for the coolest cars in the universe."

"Done."

"I wish for the most luxurious mansion in the universe."

"Done."

"And I wish for the best woman in the world."

So God sent him Mother Theresa.

In this world God made Eve first and one day he came to the Garden to check on her. So he asks her how is everything going. Eve says everything is wonderful except one thing-the third breast he gave her it is a real pain in the ass. When she is playing with her breast she only has two hands and when she is running she can only hold up two breasts--could he please do something to help her?

So God says no problem-he reaches down and pulls the breast off and tosses it under a bush. Eve is very thankful.

When God checks in on Eve a while later she is happy with her breasts but is lonely. She points out that all the animals have a partner to be with so why can't she.

"Well," God says, "When I made you I used all the human parts I had there is nothing left to make a man with. I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do."

Well, Eve says, what about the useless tit that you threw under the bush?

A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked outside and saw it was a beautiful day. He decided to skip church and go play golf. So he called the junior pastor at his church and told him he was sick and couldn't give the sermon. The junior pastor told him not to worry, he would deliver the sermon.

The pastor drove about 40 miles away from town to avoid being spotted. As he was setting up his first drive on the first hole, Jesus leaned over to God in heaven and asked him, "Are You going to let him get away with this?" God told Jesus not to worry, he would handle it. Right as God said that, the preacher hit the drive of his life. The ball traveled all 450 feet to the green, bounced once, and rolled in the hole. The preacher was ecstatic. Jesus asked God,"Why would you let him do that?"
God said, "Because, who is he gonna tell?"