Religion jokes

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford, and tells him, 'Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention ... the assembly line for the automobile changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want.' Ford thinks to himself about it, and says, 'I want to hang out with God Himself.'

The befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, 'When you invented Woman, what were you thinking?' God asks, 'What do you mean?' 'Well,' says Ford, 'You have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much front end protusion.
2. It chatters way too much at high speeds.
3. Maintenance is extremely high.
4. It constantly need repainting, and refinishing.
5. It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 of every 28 days.
6. The rear end wobbles too much.
7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
8. The headlights are usually too small.
9. fuel consumption is outrageous.

...just to name a few.' 'Hmmm ...,' replies God, 'Hold on a minute.' God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time the computer prints out a report, and God reads it. God then turns to Ford, and says, 'It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."

A truck driver was driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitchhiking on the road. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride; usually when the driver sees a redneck on the road, he hits them -- with a priest in the truck, he'd have to swerve. But the driver decides to pick up the priest.

A little while later, he comes across a redneck hitchhiking. He decides to just swerve and let this one live when, all of a sudden he hears a "BOOM!" The driver looks over at the priest, who says, "Don't worry -- I got him with the door."

What's the definition of innocence?

A nun working in a condom factory, thinking she's making little sleeping bags for mice.

A man was sitting next to a very attractive woman on an airplane. To start conversation, he asked her what kind of men she was interested in. Her first choice was American Indian men, since they're so rugged. After that she said that Jewish men were pretty attractive too. Not belonging to either of those categories, the man asked if there were any other kinds of men she liked to date. She thought for a moment and then said Southern men, because they're so gentlemanly. At this point, she realized she didn't know the man's name.

"Well, my name's Geronimo Bernstein, but my friends call me Bubba."