Religion jokes

A priest wanted to convince a prostitute to turn respectable. So he met with her one day and began slowly warming up to her.

"Oh, my child," he said, "your dress is most lovely."

"Thank you, Father," she replied.

The radio was playing and they danced a little as they talked.

"Oh, my child," said the priest, "your conversation is most lovely."

"Thank you, Father," said the prostitute.

Finally, the priest sat her down and said, "Oh, my child, there is one thing I have against you."

And the prostitute said, "Yes, I know, Father. I felt it while we were dancing."

God created earth, and it was good. Then God created woman, and it was better. Then, one day, Eve said, "God, I'm bored what can you do for me?"

And God said in response, "I'll tell you what, I'll make you a man, he'll cook, clean, be nice, sensitive, sweet, and even open doors for you. He'll be every thing you ever wanted in a man. But you have to do one thing,"

Eve asked curiously, "What?"

God said, "You have to get him to believe that I made him first."

Why did God make men a little smarter than dogs?

So they won't hump your leg at a cocktail party.

A minister wound up the services one morning by saying, 'Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark'.

On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin and said, 'Now, then, all of you who have done as I requested and read the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please raise your hands.'

Nearly every hand in the congregation went up.

Then said the preacher, 'You are the people I want to talk to. There is no seventeenth chapter of Mark.'