Religion jokes

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.

Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.

"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.

"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.

"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days, isn't He?"

There was a long line of souls before the gate of Heaven and Hell. Waiting on line beside each other were two residents of New York City, a taxi driver and a priest and they started chatting to kill the time. Finally, it was the taxi driver's turn to be judged; after talking with God for a few minutes, he was allowed to enter heaven. The priest came after him and had his few minutes with God. He, however, was sent to hell.

Needless to say, the priest was pretty surprised by this turn of events and asked God why he, who had constantly talked to people about God, had been sent to hell and a taxi driver was going to heaven. God replied, " We judge whether one goers to heaven not by the words he has said but the deeds he has done on the earth. While you talked about God, people slept, but they all remembered me when he drove."

One day a little boy asks his mom questions about God. He goes up to his mother and asks, "Well, son, he's a boy and a girl"

Not really know what to say the mother just says, "Well, son, he's black and white."

So he asks his mother, "Mom, is God black or white?"

Again not really knowing what to say, the mother tells her son, "Well ,son, he's black and white."

So the little boy looks at his mother as though he finally understands and says, "Ohhhh, I didn't know that God was Michael Jackson!"

An Irish man with a crooked back walks into a coffee shop and sees Jesus sitting in the corner reading the paper. He tells the waitress, "Please send Jesus a cup of coffee, on me." So the waitress takes Jesus a cup of coffee.

Then an Arabic man with arthritis walks into the coffee shop and sees Jesus sitting in the corner. He says to the waitress "Send Jesus a muffin, on me." So the waitress sends Jesus a muffin.

Finally an American man in a wheelchair rolls into the coffee shop and sees Jesus in the corner. He says to the waitress, "Tell Jesus I'll cover his bill." So the waitress tells Jesus.

As Jesus was leaving the coffee house he says to the Irish man, "Thank you for the free coffee. Be healed!" Jesus touches the man's shoulder, and he was miraculously healed.

Then Jesus went over to the Arabic man and said, "Thank you for the free muffin. Be healed!" Jesus lightly tapped the man's shoulder, and he was healed.

Then jesus went over to the American man and said, "Thank you for covering my bill. Be healed!"

As Jesus leaned over to touch him, the man yelled, "Don't touch me man! I'm on workers comp!!"