Religion jokes

Q: Will I be reincarnated?
A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching backup files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you, God will just say that the tape has been lost.

Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running exact duplicates of you in the present release version.

Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then the users and managers demanded he tack senseless features onto it and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.

Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get off his back and let him program.

Q: What is the one true religion?
A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick the one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone put you down. Q

: How can I protect myself from evil?
A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common word, or a date like your birthday.

Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?
A: They are much more likely to receive e-mail from god.

Q: Some people say God is Love. A: That is not a question. Please restate your query in the form of a question.

The world is going to end in three days, so God calls the three most important leaders on the planet to help him break the news to the masses: Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Jean Creitian.

Bill Clinton goes back to America and tells Congress and the Senate that he has bad news and good news. The bad news is the world is going to end in three days, the good news is that they can finally stop all those investigations of him.

Bill Gates goes back to Seattle and tells Microsoft that he has bad news and good news. The bad news is that the world will end in three days. The good news is that there won't be a follow up to Windows 98.

Jean Creitian goes back to Canada and says he has good news, really good news and amazingly good news: "The good news god thinks I am a world leader, the really good news is that all those problems with the budget won't exist in three days and the amazingly good news is that I won't have to put up with that annoying little twit Preston Manning any more."

1) Chest Trays

2) NFRU (Not for Recreational Use)

3) Pastor Baiters

4) Mounds of Shame

5) Heavenly Canteens

6) Pearly Weights

7) Hooteronomies

8) Pizza Pizza

9) Sweater Undulations

10) The Daughters of Lactiticus

11) Racks of Lambs of God

12) Communion Woofers

13) First and Second Mammalonians

14) Pamela's Burdens

15) Beelzeboobs

Why did God invent a man first?

She wanted to start with something simple.